another grey rainy friday night on the streets of philadelphia (i mean
seattle but i bet philadelphia is rainy and grey now too - how i miss
it) so it's the perfect time for the can't believe it's real but it so
is rubber ducky german techno remix [expired].
personally i never had a rubber ducky but if i had i would have wanted
it to be german and remixed. so many good things are german and remixed
like the berlin wall and a mercedes-benz after lindsay lohan drives it
into a telephone pole. so now in our best german techno-ese, let's sing
the chorus like the 24 hour bathtub party people we are...
quietsche-entchen, nur mit dir plansche ich so gerne hier. quietsche-entchen, ich habe dich so furchtbar lieb. quietsche-entchen, so ein spass, wenn ich drücke, sagst du 'was, quietsche-entchen, der beste freund, den es gibt.
hunky camp counselor named steve in 1978. tan. moustache.
muscles. sure there were a couple decades or so age difference, but
what are you gonna do? love would have prevailed. love or prison.
in bright and shiny short shorts playing hoops in his driveway while i
biked by on my ten speed powered only by apple juice and grape flavor
fruit rollups. i was a teenboy in bike shorts on one of my bike as far
as possible out of my neighborhood and maybe i'll never make it home
sojourns. i quickly imagined getting a flat tire on purpose and needing
to use his "phone" to make a "call" with my "hands" and "mouth" causing
him to "shoot" his "wad" all over "me".
blonde superhero who
stopped me on the street in center city, philly while i was apartment
hunting (made obvious by my pad and pen and staring at for rent signs).
and my fagdom made obvious by my purple urban outfitters hoodie and cut
off jeans and hightops and luke perry sideburns. he told me he had a
place for rent nearby and would i like to come by to see it right then.
sure he might have been a serial killer (there were 8 fag murders that
year) but he was hot!
thick dicked tanning parlor coupon
model who worked out at my gym. by tanning parlor coupon model i mean a
bunch of coupons came in the mail and he was on the one for a tanning
parlor showing a partial speedo tanline while dressed as a fireman. or
undressed as a fireman. one of the thickest while soft locker room
cocks i've seen. regrettably, i missed out on the perfect opening
schtick - handing him the coupon and demanding 50% off whatever he
charges for sex. he could have fucked me, stamped my frequent customer
card ass and sent me on my way.
closet case fratboy in my
archaelogy class who played footsie with me while we wrote a report.
not the good footsie with giggles and then kissing. the bad footsie
with the i'm playing footsie with you but i will not acknowledge this
fact. followed by sitting next to me on his dorm room bed. not the good
sitting with the jostling and wrestling and pants undoing. the bad
sitting with the our thighs are touching and it will not be acknoledged
that this is happening. if i could go back in time, i'd have stayed
lower gay profiled in college. not closeted but just less obvious. one
guy i knew who worked it that way slept with half the crew team. the
pick a surface then flex, turn, spin and bounce the always consensual
virtual heterosexual simulacrums into a form of two dimensional sexual
congress of your liking. you can't resist giving it a try.
of resisting giving it a try, i am officially retiring even the
slightest possibility of ever having a one night stand again. unless
when he intones "but the bomb could drop any moment, baby" i can
actually see the bomb and his cock is as big as the bomb.
do many things with someone i just met. many many things. talk, make
out, talk, make out, talk, make out, trade numbers, make out. and i
have been very clear that i will not go home with someone i just met. i
have said it anyway. but i must be putting out mixed signals that mess
up my own expectations and possibly those of guys, because part of me
still must want to have a one night stand that i could pretend would
turn into a relationship or at least two weeks of friendly passionate
what i actually want though is to know that such sexual
and dating and relationship possibility is, as petula clark crooned,
'round every corner. well now i know petula was correct. sexual
possibility, sexual satisfaction, passion, lust, love, boyfriends are
all 'round every corner. they are not however 'round every corner 5
minutes from now. they are all here. they are simply not all now. and i
don't need them to be. i just need them all to exist, to be in my past
or future life.
i kissed a man on the first day of hanukkah and
it was glorious and i'm never going to kiss him again apparently and i
could have had a one night stand and i guess i did. it's just it was
all kissing. i kissed and kissed and kissed a man. and that's it.
does it mean that i dreamt i was a prostitute with an ex-boyfriend as
my pimp? does it mean i am so sexually powerful commerce must take over
my body? while i am reasonably sexually confident and proficient,
sometimes startlingly so with the right person and in the right moment,
i doubt it is to the point of being in demand as a whore. after all,
i'm just like anyone else. i put on my panties one vagina at a time.
does it mean i wish to escape back to a simpler time for me, the
arsenio hall-esque idiotic innocence of the mid to late '90s - the era
of said boyfriend? do i just not want to have to think about who i am
and what i want? actually, that's it!
still irate over awkward and plain nicole being chosen over glambot nik
on america's next top model? or do you just need a shot of beauty? then
gawk at my favorite supermodel ever alek wek, who puts every top model contestant to shame so who gives a fuck who won anymore.
when did lacoste go from making the short sleeve pink shirts with the green alligators to a playfully erotic nudie male fragrance commercial?
perhaps this commercial is the first of their efforts to launch the new
look of the "xxx prep". i approve and promise to show up to my next
yacht christening in bass weejuns, argyle socks, and nothing else.