after seeing monster house i can rest easy that thousands of kids are not resting easy. i spent my childhood mostly terrified so am quite pleased to see the terror spread, which sounds awful but at least this time it's a fun terror. monster house is exceptional and delightful and surprisingly scary. and as a bonus, the theater i saw it at tonight made it unnecessary to wrack my brain coming up with the porn movie version, you know like "the empire sucks cock" or "raiders of the lost ass". because on all the digital signs in the theater complex, monster house was delineated as "monster ho".
and while i don't have a cell phone camera to capture such scandalous linguistic moments, i'm sure you can imagine a nice green digital monster ho. actually it read "* monster ho", with the asterisk likely indicating that this particular ho was worth a repeat visit. either that or that it got one star, which is bad for a human ho but probably the best a monster ho could expect, unless the reviewer is a monster john. now i want to come up with the porn movie version of monster ho. which i guess would have to be "monster ho house". isn't dolly parton in that?