in an effort to establish a mini-trend in reviewing shows i haven't seen (after having done so with rachael ray's blemish of a show) i will now proceed with 7th heaven. as in the cw's incarnation of 7th heaven premiering tonight. not the one which died on the wb last spring, prompting my desperate waxing. now i better hurry up and finish this post. 7th heaven is going to be on soon.
stephen collins is still passably hot and moderately talented, but he has a tough time this go round portraying a father of seven when even more of his kids seem to be off the show to pursue other roles/non-typecast moments/school. wherefore art thou in the cast shot, ruthie and simon?
catherine hicks still has the bad hair from last year. and since 10% of her acting is hair based, this bodes poorly for her emmy chances. catherine hicks and emmy. you don't see those words in the same sentence much, do you? actually, she is the best actor on the show by far. just upset they don't give her more to do. i still enjoy how she makes her labor visible. she's not a happy homemaker that tries to make everything look easy. because it's not dammit.
beverley mitchell has an extra e before the y in beverley and that makes me uncomfortable. her character is exactly the same as last year. move on from yourself, lady. it's what i try to do all the time.
george stults doesn't take his pants off enough. just that one time he
was in his boxers when the fussy church ladies came into his and lucy's bedroom for a peek at the baby. it was one of those i bet he's wearing 3 pairs of
underwear underneath those boxers deals. no bulges on 7th heaven then, now and forever. rats.
tyler hoechlin's eyebrows still need some serious help.
hillary duff has changed her name to haylie and had reverse botox injections (they make the cow look younger and her older). she succeeds in continuing to disappoint.
chi chi larue has a great guest spot as an avon lady with a heart of gold and a liver of lead.
overall i give it 10 tyras (out of 100). creator aaron spelling is rolling over in his grave, which means finally he's facing the right way after tori's many disgraces.
in considering whether or not to go out tonight, which would inevitably mean eventually hitting the seattle eagle, i just did itunes-mancy and got the following eerie three:
no more tears
combine that with it being assless chaps night at the eagle and i don't know what the hell to do. did i mention it was the diana degarmo version of no more tears? that's embarrassing i have that for sure, though she did a stint in hairspray after ai so that makes it better i guess. now if i don't go out but i don't want to stay in, is there a third option? what isn't out or in? sleep i think. last time i was at the eagle someone told me dreams are out of body experiences. well i fought really hard to get into my body so why would i want to ever go out of it i don't know. unless there was a sale somewhere.
two movers delivered my long ago ordered furniture today. 'spensive kind since i can't afford a condo so why the hell not get nice furniture. the key moment was when one brought in an ottoman and took the time to introduce himself and shake my hand while holding the ottoman one handed. he was mike - a shit eating grin seann william scott clone except strong. i like muscled powermen in shorts carrying things and shaking my hand.
the sex moment was when i realized there was some wrapping around the chrome swivel base of one of the chairs i got and they offered to lift the chair while i removed the wrapping. so i was literally on my knees and all i could see was their bodies from the upper thighs down. bulging thighs. tan calves. penis containing homo collages on canvas at their eye level. oh i also noticed the chrome swivel base and removed the wrapping as planned and caught a quick reflection of the same thing i already saw but from a different angle. as i wrote the check i thought i heard the seann clone say condoms but then i realized he was saying concept 2 because i have that rower. he was bragging how he has the best time at the 10,000m distance on the concept 2 at his gym. i said i can manage 2000m, which while true was irrelevant somehow.
i believe the reason some of us are attracted to straight men is not for the fact that they are straight, but for the fact of their confidence, bravado, i rule the world attitude - and general lack of self-hate. it's sexy to not be afraid of life or self. to not be afraid of going out and being. still don't know what i'm going to do tonight.
huge cyberhugs and lipsmacking mwahs to all my visitors, commenters and blo(g)buddies over the past year! including those of you who arrived here randomly through such inspiring searches as: "tyra banks guest complains about big penises", "tight perm club", "suzanne somers porn", "faggots in short shorts", "gay george takei oh crap", "socks of simon mccorkindale", "nipsey russell alter ego", "where's my pants drama", "gay guys going to ultra music", "oprah dancing exhibitionist bulge", "chad allen ticklish spots", "are jewish guys hung?" and the superbest search ever - "william shatner nude". i hope you have all found at least a little bit of what you're looking for. and to every one of you clever ladies and gents and gentladies and ladygents, i hope ultranow has been and continues to be a [fill in the blank] spot in your day. from my first few until this moment, it's 376 posts and counting. that's like totally cause jews don't know how to shut up. queer jews especially. or maybe just me.
jill of all trades and master of all, brini maxwell, who previously graced us with an interview, now has a vidcast! featuring plucky, spirited footage from her original nyc cable access show, the vidcast brings the world what it's always needed - brini in motion and on demand. subscribe to her vidcast "hints and tips for a gracious life" and soon you'll be enjoying "sexy swedish meatballs - the darling of the cocktail set", visits from her playful friends, and more. she also has a weekly podcast through alt.npr. subscribe to her podcast too and your world will be superbrinified. brini maxwell defines the perfect blend of technology and vintage. a truly modern gal.
way back in the earlier '00s, queer duck existed solely on indy animation central icebox.com, and i enjoyed it as small doses of traditional camp in dayglo packaging. now it's made the quite successful leap to full length motion picture, albeit the direct to dvd variety because your local cineplex is simply not prepared for the splendiferous queer duckiness of queer duck, but i am and you are too.
hey, you know what, it's got a lot going for it. namely, the voice talent is exceptional. queer duck is the one and only national treasure jim j. bullock dammit. love him forever! cameos by tim curry, david duchovny, and most successfully conan o'brien as conan o'brien, plus key supporting voices by seinfeld's estelle harris as queer duck's mother and jackie hoffman (who i saw in the original pre-broadway seattle run of hairspray) as lola. despite pun-named cohorts openly gator, bi-polar bear (who's not bi) and oscar wild cat, the puns basically stop there. the animation style is pure powerpuff girls. 2-d yet vivid and energetic.
most importantly, it's funny, and kinda political in a poking fun at heteros and fox news and elaine stritch kinda way, and kinda sexy in a gay newspaper adult classifieds kinda way, and kinda the best queer animal musical i've seen since...since...charlotte's web 2: homosexual boogaloo. oh yeah, the guy who wrote it has won 4 emmys for the simpsons, which should clue you in that while it's not funny 100% of the time, when it is, which is well in the b+ range, it's so worth it. so invite your friends over for a matinee in your living room, and follow it up with a gay gay gay orgy. queer duck would want it that way.
how do i make over a body that has memories of being weak how do i sculpt work out change a body that is static how do i breathe into a body that is a sieve popped balloon funnel
i am told that strength is possible that a personal trainer is an exterior decorator i am told that muscles respond to effort and challenge i am told that a look is a look is an attempt to be seen is a presentation of nudity
exercise in spurts visible results lead me to stop no frame to place the clay
i eat very well i sleep okay i walk all the time
i don't push i don't expend i don't tucker myself out with tries
my body is my own yet my own is not to show bigger body more to love yet more to attack bigger target these are past lives i am not this way now i can work now i say
my body can breathe and try to become itself spirit outside inside all muscles inside outside all tendons biology these are not what was hurt these are not what was made weak these are strong all is strong and mine and yours