25 years ago i was still in hebrew school (tuesdays and thursdays 4-6pm) and i would have been able to read this, not just sound it out, but translate it halfway decently. now i don't know what it says, but i do remember when i read a hebrew bazooka joe way back then it still wasn't funny (not even as funny as an english bazooka joe comic).
here i do recognize the word shul, meaning synagogue. and phonetically the word after shul may be discotheque, but that can't be right. i'll just make it up then.
starting from the top left right, eyepatch kid says: "i totally am not monotheistic like at all and i hate shul."
blue jew with sideburns and mini-mohawk says: "i see. look deep into this bowl and therin you will find the mysteries of the universe" or okay he doesn't say that because there's no word bubble but it's what he's thinking.
eyepatch kid says: "all i can see in there are some empy bazooka joe wrappers as if to taunt me with their cheap quick sweetness yet have no payoff inside such as afforded by a visit to one's local discotheque."
blue jew says: "candy is only for those boys who believe in one g-d, beeyatch. snap!"
marie osmond's 20+ year marriage to [doesn't matter what name i put here because he's not famous] has ended in divorce, which is really tricky when you're mormon i'll bet. the ex-couple have eight children and this is marie's second divorce. in a joint statement, they stated there is no third party involved and that everything is amicable blah blah blah. they also ask "the public and press to respect our privacy in the matter" which is hard not to do when there is no dirt to be had regarding the split such as denise richards or tommy lee being involved in some way. if marie were just a skootch more holier than thou, i'd rip her a new one. but don't count me as sad for her at all. she still has her doll empire, which by the way those dolls freak me the fuck out. if you must buy one of them, go for the terrifyingly bug eyed adora belle, because some of the proceeds go to breast cancer charities.
oh geez, i thought picking four wannabe models would up my odds of semi-predicting the winner. only 4 weeks in, and another one of my picks is out. i believe felicia, cursed by a resemblance to her tyraness, was held to a higher standard. nobody who looks like tyra can be anything but flawless so as not to besmirch the good tyra name/look. my fave jaslene is still hanging in. damn she's good. damn. next week i'll have to adopt a couple of newbies so i have more photos to dish about than jaslene's and natasha's. and since i want jaslene to win real bad, such newbie dish may tend towards the hateful. ooh they put dani evans (past winner) in a real cover girl commercial, just for a couple seconds at the end after the queen, the latifah, did her mascara pitch, but still she was there, hopefully not just working off her $100k cover girl contract but getting into some new dough.
as for the current cycle, this week the ladies had to pose as if they'd been killed by a fellow antm model, because apparently that's lighter fare than posing as if you'd been killed by a man. it's still fucking sick. death glamour for all - and i thought kate moss had cornered the market on that. what exceptionally tragic (and planned by producers) timing for jael, who'd just lost a friend to an od in real life.
jaslene served up that flawless broke down doll look, as miss j. says. judges loved how she managed eye contact, yet still looked dead. the spidery mascara helped. in this pic, jaslene is over it and i am not over her. in panel, she gave a special high energy jaslene bounce as she approached the judges, determined that they would not cite her for lack of flava once again. they didn't. she's through. and even renee, the self-proclaimed bitch (who's totally being a bitch becaues she knows producers like to designate an official cycle bitch and keep her in for more weeks than she deserves if it were just going off modeling ability) had to give jaslene recognition for her ability to take a great picture. you know you're doing well when other models gather behind the photographer to study your work. jaslene was not intimidated. by the way, if this whole modeling thing doesn't work out, i'll bet there are some necrofetishists who love a "dead" girl who can maintain eye contact.
i knew felicia was gone when just before the commercial break leading into panel, she said she felt totally safe. judges said she didn't bring anything to the picture, that she was just laying there. personally i think most people just look like hell upside down. there was a whole golden girls on that when blanche looked at herself in a mirror, well not upside down, but down anyway, and just about had a fiftysomething heart attack. if a photographer ever puts you in a useless pose, risk being deemed a control freak and make up a pose that works for you. felicia could have at least smeared some blood on her face. what confuses me is how they never once complimented her legs. incroyable. that's french. bye, fel.
they stuck natasha upside down again, so for here i've flipped her photo. yo panel, natasha looks more deader than felicia. and when tyra asked her what's the same about this weeks picture, natasha didn't even know to say that she was upside down again. natasha doesn't understand the concept of "same" which is going to make it really hard for her to follow driving directions like "take a right, then another right." natasha is forever lost and still doing the tight lip push out serial pout. she'll never get pegged as a one look model, because she only has a half a look. i'm not saying she should have gone this week, but felicia shouldn't have either. jael should have, but her friend od'ing get out of jail free and pass go card lasted another week. next episode best be a full on beauty shot. let's separate the wheat from the chaff, okay? jaslene is wheat. i'm hungry for oatmeal now. are oats wheat? no, that's cream of wheat. this is total natasha non-reasoning. i feel so close to her now. yuck.
i love ai alum kimberley locke's upcoming performance schedule:
june 1, masque nightclub june 2, parliament house june 9, alburquerque pride june 9, sidewinders nightclub
is there a night she goes out when she's not surrounded by screaming or drag or leather or cowpoke queens? even during her upcoming celebrity fit club gig on vh1, she's got ross the intern as a cohort. the lady (i don't say girl when i've heard someone's a lesbian) has her career path down: adult contemporary with remixes available, hitting both the gay and closet gay markets. and of course the lesbian market as well. yum, right? wonder if her alleged girlfriend calls her kimber.
you can hear the remix of her new single change on her myspace and pre-order her new cd based on a true story. oh geez, i'm linking to an ai related myspace. i am so 15 years old right now. of course if i were really 15 again, i'd have a phone cord wrapped semi-tightly around my neck while contemplating my lack of a future, only to be saved by corey hart's never surrender. see cause that's what i was doing when i was 15. now do you get why i need to hear a song called change?
after the nsfw jump because of the hung part. i tweaked the contrast and sepia-ed it a little as a subtle tribute to 300, now soaking theater audience members in cgi blood and encouraging the release of sex juices from theater audience members due to the ridiculously extreme and unacknowledged male flesh exposure. oh by the way, 300 is light on plot and emotion, unless you count "aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" as plot and emotion. consider it drag queens and elephants versus rough trade. i was rooting for the elephants.