ultranow

what's he looking at in amazement and adoration?

he's looking at himself in amazement and adoration because he loves his body and i should love my own body and i do i do i do and you should love your own body and you do you do you do.  see what he loves after the jump.  see what you love in the mirror.

if you stare directly at this composition, you'll be as hypnotized as he is by himself

after the jump.  kaleidescope effect added by moi.  nsfw nudidididity and days at the gym added by him.

cute on a couch

more cute after the jump, and by cute i mean naked.

chris lake featuring laura v - changes

if i were a circuit boy, i would have heard this song a year ago, but i'm not so i love it now because i want changes so here.

it's all about the music, cause the video itself is one step up from those background videos during karaoke.  okay two steps above.  okay those videos are awesome.  can i be a circuit boy now?  at least for like half an hour, which is like an eternity.

the picture so dicknasty it has to be blocked by two speedo and leather jacket david hasselhoffs

david hasselhoff is gone after the jump. this is the best gig he's ever had.

naked armpit stud pretending to sleep

badly pretending, but that's because he wants you to wake him up.  after the nsfw jump.

blurry nerd abs

which is ironic because he's wearing glasses.  p.s. i heart him.

the miracle that is derek jackman's dickhead

if a mythical hugh jackman/derek jarman union had birthed a giant-dick-headed scruffy masturbating pervert, the result would surely be youlovejack’s derek jackman.  get all of derek and/or a visual explanation as to why you should after the nsfw jump.

xanadu broadway cast recording love/hate relationship

xanadu on broadway (original broadway cast recording) is exactly what it says it is, which is why i love it and hate it:

love

• the lead is the sweet and powerfully voiced kerry butler who was incredible as penny in hairspray (i saw her in hairspray's seattle pre-broadway run).
• the fantabulous quirkdiva jackie hoffman has plenty of stage time, doing double duty as calliope and aphrodite.
• there's a hunky guy in jean shorts (yeah i know you can't see him listening to the cd but there's some pictures in it and you can imagine).
• it does justice to the frothy disco classics i'm alive, magic and xanadu.
• the only thing gayer than roller skates on a broadway stage is a hunky guy in roller skates on a broadway stage which by the way this show has got.  and roller skates remind me of my skating at g.a.s. (great american skate) as a kid so i am swept away by the freedom of it all, until i remember leaning against the roller rink wall and watching better skaters whizz past so i tried to skate fancier which led me to fall down, which reminds me:

hate

• kerry occasionally affects a self-aware australian accent in mock tribute to olivia newton-john.  it's painful and not super funny.
• if you like disco lite classics like have you never been mellow?, then possibly you'll be okay with the slower parts of the cd.  personally when it comes to disco, the farther something is away from 128 beats a minute, the more i hate it.  and except for the three numbers i mention in my love section above, i, well, hate it.
• the guy in jean shorts is not andy gibb and while i know the guy in the movie wasn't andy gibb either, he looked like andy gibb and andy gibb would have been perfect for this show if he were still young and still alive but at least they should have picked some high-pitched disco voiced guy rather than a generic voiced studmuffin.
• strictly as far as the cd goes, the comedy is mostly lost.  whereas other comedic shows with key visual elements can still stand on their own as cd only.  for instance, bea arthur on broadway - just between friends was full force even on cd, though maybe that's because i had golden girls on in the background while listening and bea hadn't been on roller skates anyway.
• the success of this show encourages the theatrical production of other movies of the era, such as  zapped! the musical.  i don't want to see scott baio on broadway.

if you think you'll love it, or at least like it, get the xanadu cd. it's about 80% cheaper than seeing it on broadway and it will take forever before your local community theater performs it anyway.  it would take a lot of bake sales to pay for that many pairs of roller skates.

cyber as "hung jewish top" episode 5 - the phantom jew

after an over 2 year hiatus, "hung jewish top" is back!  catch up on  eps 1-4 if you will.  the identities of the innocent have been exposed, or at least as much as their cyberhandles expose them.  oh yeah, "hung jewish top" is me, i mean my """""character""""" that is.  p.s. are extra quotes super ironic?

Numb_Nuts> hi there
hung jewish top> u like cock?
Numb_Nuts> yes, I am so hungry for it right now
hung jewish top> just right now or always hungry for cock?
Numb_Nuts> when I am in the mood like now
hung jewish top> u evr had jew cock?
Numb_Nuts> I like someone who knows what they want from me
Numb_Nuts> no, baby
Numb_Nuts> you want to feed me some
hung jewish top> i want u to want jewcock and i ain't ur baby
hung jewish top> im ur man
Numb_Nuts> yes, man
hung jewish top> tell me how much u want my jew cock
Numb_Nuts> I want the come in your balls inside me
Numb_Nuts> I want to taste your hot jewish cock sliding in and out of me
filling me with your manhood
hung jewish top> u catholic?
Numb_Nuts> protestant
hung jewish top> my jewish cock will burn in ur protestant anus
hung jewish top> and my cum will hit the back of ur throat
Numb_Nuts> cupping your heavy sack in my hand and feeling what you have in there for me
hung jewish top> if u had to choose between a long and skinny cock or a thick and short one which would us choose?
hung jewish top> u choose
Numb_Nuts> thick and short
hung jewish top> actually the right answer was both
hung jewish top> thick and short for ur mouth and long and skinny for ur ass then switch
hung jewish top> jewish cock at both ends while u tear up and suck and get fucked
Numb_Nuts> would love to have you fucking me at both ends
hung jewish top> like two kosher pickles surrounding bi married unkosher slab of bi married desperate for cock guy
Numb_Nuts> yes, two jewish cock together would be bliss
hung jewish top> i hope ur nuts aren't actually numb and that u only call urself numbnuts because that's an insult from three stooges movies

seattle metropolitan and readymade are schizo (and i don't only bring that up because someone told me it's national mental health awareness month)

seattle metropolitan wants you to spend money to learn how to save money.  readymade wants you to bring a magazine into your house in order to learn how to stop clutter.

so are we buying something, such as frugality and a clutter-free lifestyle, or merely the idea of something?  the fact that the purchase of these magazines runs counter to an actual mission in them would prove that we're buying the idea only.  we're buying a way to see ourselves.

this is similar to falling in love with the idea of love, rather than actually being in love or showing love, as in "i want to be someone who has a boyfriend and says i love you so i will have a boyfriend even if i don't like my boyfriend."  not that i've ever done that - three times.

what's on tv?

it doesn't matter, right?  more after the jump.

peta would be upset at this but gay peta would be too distracted to be upset

harry louis at uknakedmen

and by uknakedmen i mean, well you know.  see more of mr. louis here and after the nsfw-uk jump.

why did google scan the fall 2002 undergear catalog?

google catalogs beta (no i never heard of it either until i stumbled upon it just now) has the undergear catalog for all to see.  now why someone wouldn't just go to the undergear website instead is beyond me, especially since the undergear catalog google has up is from 2002 back when kelly clarkson was busy auditioning for ai.  guess google wants to control the gay world's view of gay underwear and this proves it.

they also have the footsmart catalog and i don't know what that proves.

russian songster dima bilan likes to stand around pretty damn near naked

did they have a meeting about what percentage of penis russian pop icon dima bilan would show and the conclusion was 2%? oh well, i'll take it.

i guess in russia, tiger beat is adults only.

wet t-shirt contest winner

there was no contest, but he's still a winner.  after the nsfw jump.

text sex

through the able robotic assistance suggested by omg blog, here's a picture i instigated (the almost entirely black rectangle) where you won't know what it is until you click it to make it bigger, huge that is.

corey cypher is the fake name of a real guy who masturbates and fucks himself on camera

i get the feeling corey cypher would do exactly everything sexual and exposed and cum blasting whether he was being filmed or not, but it's so much more fun on film - for him and us.  get the full corey cypher nude ambiance and solo sex binge at youlovejack.com.  plus some bonus cock exposure courtesy of ultranow right after the nsfw jump.  a porn hunk is nothing without dreamy eyes.

valentine's something

you know you're in seattle when

1. you dress in your shittiest clothes from a homosexual perspective for a letterpress class because you don't want to get permanent ink on your bestest clothes and it ends up making you look like a heterosexual hipster.

since this isn't a 1986-era barnes & noble bookstore counter impulse mini-book titled "you know you're in seattle when" i'm stopping at one.

open mouth gorgeous hair and the rest

the complete look after the jump.

why britney spears creates mass cultural anxiety

nouveau riche white blonde famous young people are supposed to have perfect lives, especially as they appear on the surface, if not deep down.  she does not have a perfect surface life.  and though not relevant to all, is also not perfect deep down.

nouveau riche white blonde famous young people are supposed to create envy and desire and drive self-hatred based economy.  she is only driving paparazzi economy (which includes cnn). 

mass cultural anxiety about britney spears is easier for individuals to write off as silly than mass cultural anxiety about war, health care, the economy, etc. which people are more likely to avoid feeling in the first place because that type of anxiety cannot be written off except by the most self-deluded.

maybe she sells less records because everyone sells less records because of piracy but it's easier to have mass cultural anxiety about britney spears than to have mass cultural anxiety about destruction of intellectual property rights.

britney spears creates mass cultural anxiety because it seems as if britney spears creates mass cultural anxiety whereas in reality mass cultural anxiety exists independently of britney but without britney what it may attach itself to is harder to digest than britney and by digest i mean destroy and make room for another britney.  which is why after we pay attention to massive horrifying global and national issues, it takes britney to wash it down.

the only thing that will stop this cycle is making genuine progress on issues of most importance.  hope and progress.  then britney can go back to just being britney and not be so tangled up in our collective need to escape the world.  then britney can go back to just being britney and not be so tangled up in our collective need to believe perfection is even possible and that happiness eludes all but the nouveau riche white blonde famous young people among us.  i don't need to believe.  i don't believe.  i don't need to escape.  i don't escape.

p.s. in case you're wondering, i'm busy getting my ph.d. in britneyology.  i already have my masters in joan collins engineering.

gym blues

i stopped working out and i don't know why or of course i know why.  it's hard in the moment and for some reason when it comes to my body i don't think of long term goals.  i'm still lean and reasonably tight and all.  i just lost some muscle and probably without the same level of core strength my back gets sore more.  and probably without the circulatory benefits my brain gets sore more.  and probably without the way to burn off energy my mood gets sore more.  so i guess i best work out.  it's just i quit my gym because it didn't fit in my schedule but now i have a bike and places to go plus i have a rowing machine at home and the electronica channel on digital cable so there's really no excuse except that i'm not doing it which isn't an excuse but rather a fact.

i think what's missing is when i'm at a gym i get competitive, not directly like i'll lift more weight than the next guy even if i can't, but i figure if other people are in the room i should try not to look like a fool.  and maybe if some of those people are guys who look at least somewhat like the pictures i post on here, then it would be to my benefit to look good in comparison.  i'm not just a mind i'm a piece of meat (or a piece of wheat gluten since i don't eat meat).  other people seem to remember i have a body more than i do.  i guess because i'm so close to it i can't see it.  i can't see me.

king dork of the mountain

how to sober up underwear

hey! are you a washington state voter?

you gots to caucus, mate.  this saturday, february 9th.  the primary is mea-ning-less.  seriously.  find out all about hot caucusing action at fuse's presidential caucus guide (in which they address all your excuses for not going).  and now that clinton and obama traded victories tonight and are fairly even in delegates still, washington state may actually matter.

p.s. i posted my official endorsement way back in january 2008.

his leg wears sunglasses at night

is this corey hart's legacy?  after the nsfw jump.

the scrabulous.com robot has a dirty mouth

tub availability

a bit of a joey stefano lookalike, isn't he?  except this one's still alive (probably) and not a star (yet).

get your biting, invasive enneagram here

try it now, and you too can experience uncomfortable insights such as those i received:

• "You are so wrapped up in your own quote sensitivity, creativity and intuition unquote that you are completely walled off from other people."
• "Your SECRET JOYS include showing your independence by acting in ways that other people would consider utterly stupid, and expressing your individuality over and over and over and over -- until you are up to your ears in your own unique personal individual rut." [i think that just described this and every blog.]

(from the snooty genius at handprint.com)

man learns how to jack

this guy who i said needed jackoff lessons finally got them, after the jump.  praise be.