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Posts from May 2008

May 31, 2008

what is matt at uknakedmen smiling about?

if you do some gay math, also known as new homosexual math, you'll probably figure out why he's smiling has everything to do with what's between his legs and i suppose all the privileges and benefits his anatomy affords him in life. extra mints on his pillow. faster turnaround time for his dry cleaning. and a line of slobbering, dyson vacuum cleaner inspired t-suckers. the t stands for truncheon. get all of matt at uknaked men now. and a visual explanation for all the fuss after the jump.

Matt_uknakedmen_1

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i know why his pants tore open

after the jump just because

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overacting and artificially flavored

Overacting

golden girls tattoo moment

question: on whom and on what part of that person's body is this tat? 

answer: tommy lee, dick

Golden_girls_tattoo

May 28, 2008

it's glamorous to pose naked on the toilet, right?

of if not glamorous, then it's just naked to pose naked on the toilet. after the naked jump. p.s. naked.

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May 26, 2008

naked sit-up and naked sit-up related penis

after the precautionary jump.

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subtle spread leg preppysexuality

it's the return of the preppysexual (as first catalogued 2006style).

Preppy

May 24, 2008

yay it's national spelling bee time again!

is that how to spell yay?  for a complete tv schedule and speller bios go to spellingbee.com.  it is fierce ferocious!  just remembered fierce is out ever since christian on project runway overkilled it.  options are ferocious or just fe-ro-ci-a.  i'm rooting for seattle's elizabeth zhang.  i stumbled across the regional bee on a local cable station and watched her calmy decimate the competition.  i love it when the winner is the one who actually got the toughest words and wins by spelling a word she's clearly never heard.  it's just geek showdown paradise.  though last year's winner who i swear had no reaction to winning was such an anticlimactic geek poser.  a real geek is like rebecca sealfon from 1997.  you've seen this before right?  if not, hold on to something because she's going to geek you like you've never been geeked before.  i still remember sjp on rosie talking about her and mb seeing rs on the bee and loving it.  and yes motherfuckers i have a post category for spelling bees.

and espn's snotty but worthwhile take on her, a la mystery science theater 3000.

britney spears blah blah blah

on the off chance that since this is a gay blog there's an expectation of occasional britney spearsness, since i really don't have anything to say about her i haven't already, here's a montage-a-google of "britney spears disaster" which ought to cover it.

Britney_spears_disaster

May 23, 2008

damn, this is one letter off from being my dream movie

or three letters off if spunky changes to spocky too

Spunky_trackies

May 21, 2008

ass for like no reason (okay one reason)

you know there's lots more after the jump because why not.

698

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worst video ever

is either stupid shit by stupid shit cw faux reality show girlicious (catholic schoolgirl is so never and is especially never in 2008 - it's like four britneys minus the everything so thanks for nothing for producing them david geffen)

or whatever the hell this is

May 18, 2008

human slipcover

after the nsfw jump. nsfw unless you work at bed, bath & beyond where this sort of thing goes on all the time.

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attempting to outrun the magical and alluring silver bulge monster while girlfriend observes

or at least i assume that's what's happening.

Bulge

green porno courtesy of isabella rossellini

when i was in 3rd grade and people would ask me what i wanted to be when i grew up, i would say "i want to be an entymologist. not an etymologist. that's the study of words. an entymologist. the study of insects."  when an adult would ask that (most likely one wearing a "mostly mozart" or "mello yello" t-shirt), i'd get a pained smile for my linguistic trouble. if a kid asked me, i'd get a 5% increase in shunning, except on the rare occasion that kid was nerdier than me. ironically, my answer required some etymology.

well now i take back the entymologist thing because of these isabella rossellini shorts. i'm not sure how to emphasize that you all don't watch these, since i'm linking to them.  so to keep it simple, i'll just say don't watch green porno, all eight of them. oh yeah, there is an insect connection. and a vague slim goodbody one as well, due to the whole body stocking thing.  p.s. why did they take away her lancome contract?  she's fabu! yeah i know the lancome has a little mark over the o, but if they wanted me to put that, they shouldn't have messed with isabella.

Green_porno

May 16, 2008

burlesque and boylesque

saw my friend perform with flair and style (and crucifix pasties) at a fantabulous burlesque show.  she was booked as one of the pros and the show also featured graduates of a local burlesque school. very impressive class.  shout out to trixie lane of oldschoolpinups.com, who along with partner lance wagner, drives the whole schmeer.  so now i can't help but be inspired to do some darn boylesque.  which is what, you ask?  same as burlesque but my body's different. so a theatrical vignette which contains a device/excuse for clothing removal.  and killer music to boot.  i'll work it out and bring some boylesque (or more of it than already exists) to seattle's mostly boylesque barren stages.

so of course i had to hit up youtube for inspiration.  charlie champale is intriguing. opening his overcoat to reveal his hot watches for sale is a fine device. and if you like it, do a charlie champale search on youtube.  there's more.  just be warned, one is a stripping middle eastern garbed "terrorist" dressed in glitter dynamite sticks across his torso.  oh wait, i ruined the punchline.

after the jump is one that's nsfg, with g meaning gays, because it's a girl.  consider it a blonde venus marlene dietrich in a monkey suit inspired star wars tribute.  she's a fucking imperial stormtrooper, okay?  and it's suitably creepy and wonderful.

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May 11, 2008

abs through the ages

aggressively historically reductive yet amusing video on abs through the ages [via nytimes]

May 10, 2008

he wears long shorts

Long_shorts

strawsucker

after the shiny man jump.  nsfw unless you work in a barn at a partial nudist colony.

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jon-erik hexum underwear contact sheet

Jonerik_hexum_underwear

May 06, 2008

shane at perfectguyz has an intriguing profile (from the neck down)

finally a guy with an actual swimmer's build and male ingenue looks.  get all of shane and his buddies at perfectguyz.  they can't very well be showoffs if nobody's looking.  and see shane's obscene profile (and flat on his back look) after the jump.  it's what 1000 crunches a day and a vegetarian diet will get you.  or just being 25.

Perfecftguyz_shane_6

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May 04, 2008

the most dynamic performance ever from a seated position

debby holiday - half a mile away

p.s. after i posted i saw this comment from debby on youtube:

"So ya'll know why the hell I'm sitting down while performing a high energy song ... I had two sprained ankles - yes, two ... LOL

Peace & Respect - Debby Holiday"

love her more now!

more neil at uknakedmen, thankfully

i've gushed about neil before.  no, that's not a pun.  i'm a writer.  well naked naked horned up gymrat neil is sooooo back at uknaked men.  as a fine conduit of fine filth for the gay masses, i really must stress that uknakedmen has exceptional models, photography and videography.  plus my friend is really into guys in kilts (hi hs!) so neil is as delightfully accommodating of our fantasies as ever - this time giving us wrestler, which is in implied airquotes.  by the way, i'm obsessed with calling vegetarian restaurants airquotes restaurants.  you know when they have chicken, beef, shrimp, etc. on the menu but all are made of soy or wheat gluten or whatnot that's not animal flesh.  but i could say whatever i want here because you're looking at the pictures.  this time there's no jump.  you'll have to go to uknakedmen for more neil (and friends).  or scroll down of course.

Neil_uknakedmen_1

Neil_uknakedmen_2

Neil_uknakedmen_3

much more this way, buddy.

May 02, 2008

nicky blacklock at youlovejack - wow that's lots of ck sounds

get all of nicky blacklock's alternacock at youlovejack.  hurry!  there's a line forming.  probably because youlovejack guys don't know the meaning of the word shy.  though i'll bet if pressed they could spell it.  get a bit more of nicky after the jump and the 360 at youlovejack.

Nicky_blacklock_1

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ooooooh girrrrrlllll fuck my gay gay ass and gay gay lower lip and gay gay necklace and gay gay hair fuck it all

Bom65

Bom65

Bom65

DJ