thank goodness for jockohomo's best singles of 2005 playlist. now my friend will have something to listen to while the dentist rips her teeth out friday. this is the same friend that is slated to make yet another wedding cake for a friend's wedding, thereby forcing everyone else to the dentist soon enough. i don't use the word wedding a lot. is wedding a verb or a noun? normally i would be anti-wedding because of how it's illegal for u.s. same sexers, but the couple getting married is quite unusual and it will be a retro '50s thing so how could i miss it? perhaps as a present i'll say a donation has been made in your name to equal rights washington to support marriage rights for the gays. but whatever that wedding's like i know the cake making will be a drama again. last one she well overestimated the number of carpal tunnel syndrome inducing little purple flowers the cake would need and made a thousand too many. that's a thousand extra little tinky winky anuses. i've encouraged her to use an abacus and aerial cake photography for this next cake so she makes only what's necessary.
as for my wedding (for which there is no man yet but there will be - i mean how am i supposed to get married without a man, hello!?), i've decided in advance about the cake. cakes actually. first there will be the pure function cake: a huge ugly organic sugar free "cake" for 50 that she doesn't have to have anything to do with. then as her project, there will be the pure form cake. it can be made out of styrofoam, asbestos, cotton, spraypaint, pipe cleaners, used dildos, used picassos - whatever it takes to create her vision of queer marriage beauty. by separating form and function, there won't be the stress, drama and difficulty of her having to work with tricky persnickity edible ingredients. hell it can be photoshop cake for all i care. just as long as it's beautiful and (hopefully) permanent. as beautiful and (hopefully) permanent as tyra's merciful catwalk retirement. and, okay, as beautiful and (absolutely) permanent as fabio's hold on my heart. yes i said it.