ultranow

ultimate 3 way - perfectguyz, chaosmen and buzzwest

perfectguyz.com, chaosmen.com and buzzwest.com are teaming up to offer a membership that will give fans (by which i mean dick ass cum homosex manlovers) access to all three sites for one low monthly rate. $49.97 for all three sites! this is a savings of $35 and is available only through the links in this post for as long as this special lasts. get more info on the special now and see if it's for you. p.s. you can't find it by going to the individual sites, only through the link i'm offering here. snap it up while you can.

he's british and naked and kinda looks like jude law but with a bigger dick

he's brandon and he's completely exposed in full masturbation glory (his and yours) on blakemason.com. his underwear says property of england and looks really good on the floor by his naked body.

ready for brandon and his naked smiling friends?

vladi at uknakedmen is seriously wet and yes naked

how do i explain this? you look at him. you like it. stuff happens. then you do it again. get all of vladi and his built british bloke buds at uknakedmen always.

vladi vladi vladi naked naked naked all the way.

p.s. naked.

what is matt at uknakedmen smiling about?

if you do some gay math, also known as new homosexual math, you'll probably figure out why he's smiling has everything to do with what's between his legs and i suppose all the privileges and benefits his anatomy affords him in life. extra mints on his pillow. faster turnaround time for his dry cleaning. and a line of slobbering, dyson vacuum cleaner inspired t-suckers. the t stands for truncheon. get all of matt at uknaked men now. and a visual explanation for all the fuss after the jump.

damn, this is one letter off from being my dream movie

or three letters off if spunky changes to spocky too

shane at perfectguyz has an intriguing profile (from the neck down)

finally a guy with an actual swimmer's build and male ingenue looks.  get all of shane and his buddies at perfectguyz.  they can't very well be showoffs if nobody's looking.  and see shane's obscene profile (and flat on his back look) after the jump.  it's what 1000 crunches a day and a vegetarian diet will get you.  or just being 25.

more neil at uknakedmen, thankfully

i've gushed about neil before.  no, that's not a pun.  i'm a writer.  well naked naked horned up gymrat neil is sooooo back at uknaked men.  as a fine conduit of fine filth for the gay masses, i really must stress that uknakedmen has exceptional models, photography and videography.  plus my friend is really into guys in kilts (hi hs!) so neil is as delightfully accommodating of our fantasies as ever - this time giving us wrestler, which is in implied airquotes.  by the way, i'm obsessed with calling vegetarian restaurants airquotes restaurants.  you know when they have chicken, beef, shrimp, etc. on the menu but all are made of soy or wheat gluten or whatnot that's not animal flesh.  but i could say whatever i want here because you're looking at the pictures.  this time there's no jump.  you'll have to go to uknakedmen for more neil (and friends).  or scroll down of course.

much more this way, buddy.

nicky blacklock at youlovejack - wow that's lots of ck sounds

get all of nicky blacklock's alternacock at youlovejack.  hurry!  there's a line forming.  probably because youlovejack guys don't know the meaning of the word shy.  though i'll bet if pressed they could spell it.  get a bit more of nicky after the jump and the 360 at youlovejack.

tommy finch at youlovejack has got it all

all being cock and ass and muscles and, what else is there?  oh yeah cute fucking face too, and he stays in theme.  which means he jacks his cock and stuff.  now you're up to speed.   more tommy after the jump.  all of tommy at youlovejack forever.  hope he's not planning on running for congress, though i bet he'd get 10% of the vote.

world's tallest sock fetish jpg

painstakingly titillatingly constructed by yours truly, a fact which should not lead to the assumption that i possess such a fetish.  yeah, right!  the thing is being nude except for basically socks makes a guy look even more nude overall.  it just does.  plus there's the whole 1980s international male catalog thing.  personally i'm into the look only.  i'm not into socksucking, though what a great word it is!  114.861 screen inches of fun after the jump.

personal trainer neil at uknakedmen

uknakedmen studbot neil works out five days a week.  in this case, i think a day can be interpreted as 12 hours of gym, 2 hours of preparing and eating intensely nutritious meals, 1 hour of personal grooming, 6 hours of sleep, and 3 hours of mirror and/or showoff time (15 hours of mirror and/or showoff time if you count the gym).  have i mentioned neil is perfect?  get a bit more after the jump and absolutely all of neil at uknakedmen.

steve rally in gay porn?

a curious and friendly visitor e-mailed:

"I just came across your site - it being the first site that shows when searching Steve Rally and Playgirl.  Like you, I was mesmerized by him in the throes of gay puberty.  I'd be thrilled to know what he's up to these days.  He just stunning.  Now, at the risk of blowing your mind, I have a question.  Ever heard of him doing gay porn?  If so, do you have any idea the name of the video(s)?  The reason I ask is below."

he attached the picture that's after the jump.  now while i'm certain the confusion can be attributed to a combination of the '80s clonelike playgirl hunk mustache look that permeated gay and gay for pay society and my visitor's desire for it to be true, it's worth contemplating.  if only to see a rare (possibly unique) instance of an insertion pic on my blog.

luscious jayden at fratmen tv

fratmen tv's latest jayden has absolutely no resemblance to hayden "darth" christensen.  no none at all.  except for, of course, his face, and of course, what one might desperately imagine hayden looks like masturbating in the absolute total buff.  more jayden after the jump.  all of jayden at fratmen tv.

furry heterosexual showoff dreamboat gabriel at chaosmen

gabriel at chaosmen has the face, the body and the need to expose (and pay the rent).  get all of gabriel (photos and video) at chaosmen.  plus you can take a look at some more square inches of him after the jump.

david brady at youlovejack does, in fact, love to jack

david brady is fascinated by his own masturbation, just like it's his very first time.  luckily he can watch himself both on the camera monitor and live in person about 3 feet from his own face.  luckily you can watch him let loose at youlovejack.

dirty mechanic darren robbins at uknakedmen

uknakedmen latest darren robbins reminds us that brits are really big on the whole working class look, unlike the u.s. where much of our porn is designed to look as if the model owns a ritzy condo (or at least stays in one for "free" in exchange for services rendered).  but even within this competitive working class brit genre, darren robbins excels.  maybe it helps that he has the mouth of the newest james bond daniel craig, the chest of an ultimate fighter, the deep hole of an ultimate fucker (with which he is not shy) and the dick of, well, darren robbins.  get all of darren over at uknakedmen and some more after the jump.

calvin is blond down there

fratmen tv's calvin is all the way blond.  see what i mean after the nsfw jump.  and if you're ready for it, get all you want of calvin and his buddies.

the miracle that is derek jackman's dickhead

if a mythical hugh jackman/derek jarman union had birthed a giant-dick-headed scruffy masturbating pervert, the result would surely be youlovejack’s derek jackman.  get all of derek and/or a visual explanation as to why you should after the nsfw jump.

harry louis at uknakedmen

and by uknakedmen i mean, well you know.  see more of mr. louis here and after the nsfw-uk jump.

text sex

through the able robotic assistance suggested by omg blog, here's a picture i instigated (the almost entirely black rectangle) where you won't know what it is until you click it to make it bigger, huge that is.

corey cypher is the fake name of a real guy who masturbates and fucks himself on camera

i get the feeling corey cypher would do exactly everything sexual and exposed and cum blasting whether he was being filmed or not, but it's so much more fun on film - for him and us.  get the full corey cypher nude ambiance and solo sex binge at youlovejack.com.  plus some bonus cock exposure courtesy of ultranow right after the nsfw jump.  a porn hunk is nothing without dreamy eyes.

tub availability

a bit of a joey stefano lookalike, isn't he?  except this one's still alive (probably) and not a star (yet).

the flexible and comely chase martin

comely's a word, right?  it's just what popped into my head.  now get the full chase martin experience at youlovejack.com.  he's kinda really into his own dick.  really really into his dick.

more chase martin this way.

i'm all for racial diversity in porn but this word should not exist

alternative fisting movie title because the current options just won't do

while all the wondrous/gushy homosexual fisting movies out there have some delightful titles, such as rear end collision, hole sweet hole, brothers in arms and the admittedly clever fist and shout, i believe i've come up with the best possible, yet unexpected, gay fisting movie title (and plot summary).  after the jump.

jessie clinton gym shorts tube socks self-suck moment

while no relation to dreamboat and tall drink of water clinton kelly of what not to wear fame, you love jack latest jessie clinton has his own style.  tube socks, gym shorts and auto-fellatio are in for 2007 and beyond.  and what not to wear?  everything!  so what's behind the demure black bar?

ides of december everything at once in my head

• when tv alcohol ads include at the end "drink responsibly" that is a command telling people to drink, albeit responsibly.
• paula deen is not as fucked up as she used to be on home shopping, meaning she seems awake and coherent now.  perhaps previously she was nervous at the possibility of earning thousands of dollars a minute.  now she's fine with it.
• i've become obsessed with home makeover shows. flip this house, sell this house, gayify this house, whatever this house.  and not the kinds with the hunky carpenter know-it-alls.  just the ones with regular folks doing shit with hammers and such.  it's my new food network, but with wood and steel.
• food network needs to stop showing reruns of cooking contests from 2004.  if i'm to become devoted to the results of gingerbread competitions, at least show me the one for 2007, and live to boot.
• how will the writer's strike affect the relaunch of american gladiators and will the lycra to spandex percentage be the same as it was from that show in the 90s, or is it more lycra now, say closer to 15%?
• is hulk's wife filing for divorce just before the launch of his new tv show a publicity ploy to get people to watch american gladiators to see if hulk cries and watch the next season of hogan knows best during which the divorce issue and likely reconciling will be covered?
• why do i think heterosexual pornography is degrading to all concerned but homosexual male pornography is sacrosanct or at least the segment of it that i like?
• why is my life a constant battle between short term frustration and long term goals?
• when am i going to follow my heart and become a full damn fucking buddhist already instead of toying with it?
• oh shit, do buddhists get to swear still?
• can the late night talk shows please start up with fresh episodes again soon (sans writing staff) because without pathetically predictable boring jokes about the presidential candidates, people might start to actually pay attention to the issues, like that a republican jew is running for president.  and they believe in aliens.  they are a cult.  a crazy cult of christianity sent to the earth by alien babies plus they eat babies and have 40 wives and goldfish.  mitt romney is a republican jew set out to destroy this country.
• i mean mormon.  whoops.  and mormons don't drink coffee or alcohol so they can't be president anyway.
• and jews can't be president because, well, you know why.

dear ultranow

sunday means laundry (at least sometimes) catching up on netflix (i discovered today not every parker posey movie is good.  for example, broken english is a halfway no), and somewhat analogously cleaning out old e-mails.  in doing so i discovered this august 2006 one from circumcisedman@...

"Dear avi, I remembered 2 months ago, I logged in to a wonderful gay jewish web site,I can`t remember which one, I took your e-mail. Please tell me about the names of free jewish gay porn web sites, I`d be really grateful if you supplied me with information. Thank's, my best regards to you."

gentle reader, sure, there are lots of free jewish gay porn web sites.  is website one word or web site?  i believe cnn.com is a free jewish gay porn website.  i also believe michaelmoore.com is a free jewish gay porn website.  and i could be wrong about this last one, but i'm pretty sure freejewishgaypornwebsite.com is a free jewish gay porn website.

when the word bareback isn't enough

how literal does gay porn marketing need to be?  as evidenced by newbies (and real sites) internallygay.com and cumintomyass.com, pretty damn literal.  next on the scene are sure to be:  hereismyassforcumtobeinsideitlots.com and nocondomnocondomyescumyescumassass.com and assforspoogeshootnowagainoftentoday.com and theasscontrolsthemeansofspermproduction.com and rubberlessdickinsideyoutilblowstwice.com and myassisamilkcarton.com.

how about condomless homomalesex is just called homomalesex because that's what it was understood to be before safe sex was a concept.  then the marketers would only need to differentiate porn that uses condoms - with such websites as unbareback.com and externallygay.com and onmenotinme.com.

oh i know that myassisamilkcarton.com and onmenotinme.com are sorta catchy but they are also damn hard to read so i wouldn't bother registering them and starting a multi-million dollar business.  someone probably already has anyway.  and his name is trump.

which is gayer?

that touch of

one of these things is not like the other.  one of these things is not the same.  which is a song from sesame street.  which when there are two things that are different both things are not like the other.  both things are not the same.  so there is nothing to figure out.  which is why sesame street had four things with three of the four things the same in some aspect, not necessarily all aspects but in at least one aspect, and then the fourth thing was different in the aspect the others were the same.  which while they didn't officially call the different one the fourth thing, that's something my head filled in the blank of because different means last place to me mostly which is not true except when it is but last place is first place if you turn around and start a new race.  so there is nothing to figure out with the two movies below.  even if i were to ask which poster peta would most likely throw red paint on, the answer would be clear.  after all, forget the minkness, doris day spraypainted her poodles. proof after the jump.

p.s. with the pictures lined up like this, doesn't it look like cary grant is looking right through doris at the twink of his dreams?  too bad cary would set one foot on that tired, blue green carpeted, baseboarded suburban porn set and out of style offense run as far as his lambskin loafers and silver cufflinks would take him, regardless of if the twink were in reach.  or at least probably that's what would happen.

guest review at queer beacon

it's guest reviewer week over at the bright and indispensable queer beacon and augusto generously offered me a spot.  after momentarily considering contributing a review of spunk'd: the complete first load, i instead went with flushed away, if only because the former cannot actually be seen in a theater, at least one bigger than a 3x3 foot square.  i invite you to read my review of flushed away and revisit queer beacon to check out all the guest reviews this week.

p.s. does tyra know james st. james, who occasionally appears on top model, has a cameo in spunk'd? 

i learned a new word today and it's not young, cocksuckers, fingers, arse, cum or face

um, lateeno?

dueling disturbing gay porn movie titles

click thumbnails to see full covers, though they are not nearly as disturbing as the titles themselves.  what happened to lovely porn movie titles like "i had sex on the beach with a man i thought was hot and still thought was hot even after i had sex with him and had a few minutes to think about it but he was gone by then so i had sex with another man on the beach who looked kind of like the first guy but hotter in some ways and not as hot in others but hot overall and it felt good and then i did it again until the 90 minutes of movie was over so give me my paycheck now because my electricity's due and i have to pay for my hustler ad in frontier magazine so i can capitalize on my gay porn appearances otherwise there's no point part 2"?

"bareback ghosts"

vs. "ditch the bitch and make the switch"

vs. "sperm violence"

when a porn set tries too hard

alternately, the where's waldo of porn pics.  can you say "busy"?  after the jump.

porn fashion roundup

in case you're deposed meth buying but not trying, gay prostitute massage getting but not fucking homophobic evangelical loon ted haggard browsing this at church on your laptop, the porn fashion roundup is after the jump.

p.s. the only place you won't read about ted haggard's henanigans is in the news page on his own site.  now that's damage control.  the one big remaining question here is if the word i possibly just invented "henanigans" will now take off.  probably about as well as "himbo".  speaking of himbos, time to look at the porn after the jump now.

kurt cobain is masturbating in his grave

you know courtney love has a piece of the profits from this "kurt combain" -  the most awkwardly exploitatively named porn star since "andrew cuminhim".  if one dumps one's money into the qsolo.com and courtney love shared pocketbook, what does one get?

"A tight rock butt with firm cheeks. Shiny eyes, tight body, the guy obviously has no complexes. When this star started playing the synthesizer with his dick, leaving wet stains on the buttons, it became clear that this was a rare talent. But that's not all this guy can do, wait until he is really revved up. Watch as he reaches creative ecstasy, his swollen cock starts oozing with white pre-cum and immediately smears and licks... You can be sure we produced his single all right."

um, when pre-cum is white it's cum, not pre, kay?  and kurt didn't play keyboard [after the jump].  thanks.

the couch made his dick throw up

ultimate cocksucker style

that brief moment in time when a M*A*S*H t-shirt was considered sexy

joey's cheeks

is being a tight bunned speedskater gold medalist named joey cheek anything at all like being a gay porn star named joey penis? or an oversexed drag queen named tess tosterone? of course not. it's actually the same as being joey new york's chiseled cheeks sheer blush because like speedskating, "this subtle gel blush gives the face a youthful, dewy look".

453 grams of german fun