for sure jon-erik hexum immediately below. nsfw jon-erik hexum potential after the jump. say before he broke into tv and was down on his luck in west hollywood and hadn't worked out so much yet and had a cheesy moustache and a slightly different more teenagery jawline than he would grow into. it couldn't possibly be him. no star ever posed naked before they made it big.
as inspired by "michael tolliver's dirty thirty for '77" in "more tales of the city", here's my jewish new year edition. not that i'm practicing because i don't need to practice. i got it right already. if you want to celebrate rosh hashanah, get yourself some apples and honey and make your own dirty thirty. don't wait until january 1 because you'll be drunk then.
i will stop trying to convince myself i could date a smoker even though that eliminates 50% of otherwise eligible men.
i will ask if someone is single within 5 minutes of contact.
i will ask if someone has a cat immediately.
i will not flirt with a man who brings his backpack to a bar.
i will make passes at guys who wear glasses.
i will stop calling my friend and leading off with "my vagina hurts".
i will continue to eat an entire box at a time of oatmeal raisin pecan organic cookies and claim this is a healthy activity.
i will occasionally eat 80% of a tub of kozy shack tapioca pudding after a bad day which will make me feel worse which is fine sometimes, except for the next day when i only have 20% left which really makes me feel like crap but at least i have something else to feel crappy about besides what originally got me to eat the pudding.
i will continue to download porn pics and not masturbate to them even though i don't know why i do this unless it has something to do with capturing people's souls.
i will watch "star trek IV" several more times and love it every time, especially when chekhov asks 20th century strangers "where are the nuclear wessels?" and when scotty talks to the mouse saying "hello computer".
i will leave seattle for at least a week instead of never.
i will not join a gym but i will totally all the time use my fancy exercise equipment i bought. seriously i swear i will lots because i'm sick of admiring but not looking like all these millions of pics i download.
i will continue to base my music collection nearly exclusively on mp3 blogs.
i will clap my hands and say yeah!
i will stop insisting that my name is naima and i am america's next top model.
i will play hooky from work once to watch tyra's new talk show because we all know it's not going to last.
i will continue to boycott cable tv except at my friend's house where i will bogart the remote to watch home shopping network.
i will bring another living thing into my apartment for me to take care of - either a fish or an avocado pit.
i will celebrate when "will & grace" goes off the air without will being seen in bed making out with a guy which for all the people who think the show is so great what's so great about a sexless, depressed, overdressed kitchen queen with a heart of stone? if i wanted to see that, i'd look in the mirror! will's mirror because i don't cook. if he doesn't get thoroughly fucked and thorougly in love with some real gay character by the end of this pun-filled mess, not some celebrity stunt casting homoesque creep at the last second, then this show is burning in jewish hell, which doesn't exist but it's a nice thought.
i will begin saving for a condo. in italy.
i will take some sort of class in something because i don't really know everything yet.
i will either buy or sell something on ebay involving "customization" just to see what it's all about. a ziplock bag may be involved.
any chicken or eggs i eat must be both free range and organic, no exceptions.
i will build a city in the clouds that is free from hurricanes, floods, earthquakes, anti-pornography legislation, and republican gerrymandering. despite being in the clouds, it will somehow be impervious to avian flu. this cloud city will be called new newark.
i will make a sticker that says something catalyzing and affix it everywhere and it will make me anonymously famous.
more wire hangers.
i will teach fantasia barrino to read.
if i see any celebrity anywhere i will completely ignore them to the depth of my being, especially any who wear $500 ripped jeans, have had a #1 hit, or starred in a show on the wb.
except if i see jon-erik hexum because he's totally dead but i still have a crush on him so i would freak out. or david lee roth (see pic below) because he's sexbomb which is weird to say but he's jewish and can put his leg over his head and has a great ass and he can always get a haircut for me. i like trying to change people.
i won't try to change people or myself. i will just be myself and people will be people. we will all just be. this is not the catalyzing sticker. i'm still working on that.