lies i've told myself about men

so i've been reading all about love: new visions by bell hooks and dammit if she isn't a powerful transformative writer. which i knew when i bought the book well over a year ago. which is why i've only skimmed it until now. finally i'm reading it. really reading it. ready to hear and know that i've been lying to myself about who i've been with, turning men into what i want them to be in my imagination and ignoring all reality as to who they really are. well none of that has worked in creating love. surprise. it makes me feel better for a bit then it all crashes. lying to myself about who i'm with and lying to who i'm with about who i am (if only by not being myself fully). i'm over it. done. but to get done, i'm going to remind myself of lies i've told myself about specific men. in every case, these lies just prolonged the agony. have you lied?

lie: he's introspective and mysterious
truth: he's a quiet drunk (not that that's a bad thing but i don't want to date one)

lie: he's sexually adventurous and an entrepreneur
truth: he's a prostitute (not that that's a bad thing but i don't want to date one)

lie: he's an excellent listener
truth: he has nothing to say

lie: he's a poet
truth: he's unemployed

lie: he's deep and complex
truth: he's as deep and complex as anorexic nicole richie's non-existent shit

lie: he's made it to a good place in his life
truth: he's given up

lie: he's got a great sense of humor
truth: he laughs at my jokes and tells none of his own

lie: he loves me
truth: he wants my cock

lie: he loves me
truth: he's killing time until something better comes along

lie: he loves me
truth: he's cheating on me

lie: he loves me
truth: he's stalking me

lie: he's sensitive
truth: he watches oprah but he's a lout

lie: he's in naturally good shape
truth: now that he's with me he will never work out again

lie: he wants more than one night
truth: he wants less than one night then wants to go back to the bar to pick up someone else for less than one night

lie: he's the one for me
truth: i haven't met the one for me yet

this last truth is the most important. this last truth is the one that makes me smile. on to the next chapter. damn you bell hooks! what the hell are you going to help me face next?

Comments

[sissy-fuss]

holy jesus, how the truth hurts. The pain...The pain.

[cooper]

ouch, that's really harsh if it's all true. bell hooks is always an amazing read though.