ultranow

playgirl fashion spread psychosis

the fashion director for this september 1973 playgirl fashion spread was none other than mr. blackwell.  he of the worst dressed list.  bet beyoncé would love the first number for her house of dereon line, what with all the fur.

click to blow up each pic, if you can handle even more of the (non)glamour.

p.s. look up to fall.

pardon me, your left asscheek is dripping

this shit was on martha stewart

batshit crazy martha stewart viewer isabelle ortley offers this craft project she titles "roast turkey costume" which should actually be called "bird corpse straitjacket meaningless and pathetic to all but the most craft addicted lonely motherfuckers" but then martha wouldn't put it on the air.  if you're going to attempt this, first don't, then mind isabelle's safety notes:

"Be sure to use nontoxic paint and glue in this project, as some babies like to chew on the costumes. When placing your baby on a table, be sure that the sides of the table are protected, and always watch that your child does not roll. When using berries and other garnishes, be aware of any choking hazards."

i find these safety notes incomplete, so also do not put baby in oven, do not baste baby, do not eat baby, do not eat costume, do not expect baby to enjoy thanksgiving, and most importantly do not do not do not do this project, even a tofurkey version.  just do not.

pornographic kaleidoscope

the manmeat equivalent of a hpnotiq print ad after the jump.  which by the way, why the hell is there is vodka, fruit juice, cognac combo that's trying to hypnotize people with its print ads?  date rape is so 2002.  damn hpnotiq.  personally i prefer nudity to alcohol.  now let's all focus on the number 4.

review: wanda sykes - sick & tired

ms. sykes is getting to the queen of all media stage, what with output in film (supporting roles in which she comedically outshines the lead), tv (on my favorite show the new adventures of old christine, curb your enthusiasm, and voiceover work on crank yankers), books (she has one i swear), and now the concert dvd market with the apropos title because she is: wanda sykes - sick & tired.  it's also due out in january as a cd.

since i've mainly experienced wanda in little bits here and there, it's good to see her front and center.  many people (including an overly perky radio interviewer in the dvd extras) say that she has a very distinctive voice, and while true i suppose, i think that's a way of not giving her credit for her polished yet completely natural, relatable, punchy where it needs to be delivery.

the dvd, filmed in two days at seattle's moore theatre, is a solid b.  i enjoyed the balance between two dimensional jokes and full on scenes she acted out, taking different points of view.  i think she's at her best, as many comedians are, when they show instead of tell.  her political material could have gone further, not in terms of liberal vs. conservative, but in terms of surprise and insight.  seattle audiences, as proven by the q&a in the extras, are generally uptight, pc and overly polite (with the exception of the noam chomsky mosh pits we're famous for), so she really could have thrown them for a loop with just a little more vitriol or twists of logic. 

perhaps i just wished she'd be more bad ass than she came off.  but then she whipped out a whole deal on how she doesn't give a fuck and it was priceless.  as was her uterus material.  who knew abortion was such a faux pas?  her take on gay marriage was original and her views on racial profiling were pure wanda.  and being able to get someone's aesthetic to the point i can say that something is pure them shows a certain measure of success on their part.  she put on a good show.  i wanted great.  i got good.  good is good.  and good is worth seeing.

stream a clip in win | get the dvd

i have a rahm emanuel fetish and you can too

the jewissitude, the smart suits, the going to gay pride parades to suck up to constituents, the potentially cock embracing lips, the power, the verbiage, the a salt with a deadly pepa hair, the holding up his hands to show us the size of his fuckstick in the middle of this obsessive collage i just made, rahm emanuel (democratic congressmanmeat of illinois) is my severe crush fetish lover.  just don't tell his wife and three kids.  though what are they going to do to me if they find out?  it's shabbat and they're orthodox so they have to rest.  can't even take a taxi to the airport to come kick my ass.  rahm.  seriously.  call me.  the phone will be in my ass saving a spot for you, so i might not pick up for a bit.  just let it ring.  our special secret ring.  the one that sounds like love.

sharpie + drunkie + homophobie

we're #2! we're #2!

in the face of such worthless statistics as this, i have to go with my gut.  as always my gut is full of bemused rage:

1.  don't they know self-reporting ruins penis size surveys?

2.  we may be second place in this survey, but seattle's first in percentage of straight acting homos.  or forget the acting part.  we're first in straight homos period.  we have less drag queens per square foot than charlton heston's gun closet.

3.  this just means the seattle-ese feel a tad safer in revealing ho or bi-ness to a surveyor than do our brethren in other metropoli.  or that extremely conservative surveyors checked the gay or bi box just because of someone's metrosexual hairstyle, lesbian sweatpants, or bisexual aesthetic new age background music.

4.  if seattle fucked long beach, would that make both cities 21% non-hetro and take sf out of first?

5.  but how do major u.s. cities rank in fags, bulldykes and bisexual vampires?

6.  if after all this time even sf is only 15.4% of our people by our people for our people then we'll never take over the world, which is probably fine because who has time to take over the world.

7.  numbers are so heterosexual.

in defense of k-fed

why we all beefing with him?  when he beefed with britney, he says he needed to clear his head and go out with the boys/girls/booze/whatever.  flee the situation like a real man flees a situation.  britney beefed with him because of his husband failings but why we all beefing with him too?  i defend him to the utmost.  and here's why.

• when he smokes in front of his babies, he does his best to keep the smoke from blowing directly in their faces, so they'll only get half baby asthma.  okay that was sarcastic but i had to work it out of my system.  now i will truly defend him.
• he rocked the cornrows 10 times as good as bo derek ever did. unfortunately 10 x 0 = 0, but don't tell him that.  another dig.  i swear i want to defend him.
• he sucks a mean dick.  his own.  well that's just true.
• now he's free to fuck over some other x-factor but nothing else starlet.  might i suggest dana plato?
• leeches help with blood clotting during surgery, should britney ever be in such a need.
  
• now britney can be a lesbian.  the girlie kind.  lipsuck lesbian britney dating farrah fawcett.  it'd be just what farrah needs to help her through the colon cancer.
• playgirl k-fed countdown begins now.  that has to be the only reason britney was with him, right?  he's packing, right?
• he's takes it up the pooper real good, the only catch being the girl's celebrity penis strap-on has to be the custom designed keven federline model.
• best thing i can say in defense of k-fed is that he's dead.  to britney at least.  soon to the rest of us.

shabby chic