ultranow

and i am telling you (hudson vs holliday)

i have no precise idea why i assembled and i am telling you (hudson vs holliday) because jennifer holliday owns this song in perpetuity, despite jennifer hudson's incendiary flawlessness.  the fact is holliday performed this on broadway eight times a week for almost four years and her deeper, sexier, thicker voice is possibly more suited than hudson's admittedly range defying, powerhouse pipes.  hudson, who to her credit finds new riffs throughout, isn't attempting an imitation.  she's just doing her job bringing effie to life and deserves all the accolades she may collect (just not a tony).  yes holliday should have been given a cameo in the film.  yes hudson should have seen holliday on broadway.  at least here they are together.  and they are telling us.

update:    it actually happened.  jennifer hudson and jennifer holliday to the damn max!

thank goodness

• thank goodness saddam hussein has been executed for now the world is forever without violence.
• thank goodness rosie o'donnell and donald trump continue their war of words about miss usa, bankruptcy, morals, body type and hair for now the world is a classier place.
• thank goodness gerald ford is dead for now the two botched assassination attempts he experienced in the '70s weren't botched at all - they just took awhile to kick in.
• thank goodness the janice dickinson modeling agency season 2 is premiering in a couple of weeks for now we can likely watch her be transphobic again while wearing a "gay friendly" t-shirt as she was to claudia charriez in season 1.
• thank goodness, as many a critic has opined, dreamgirls has "reinvented the movie musical" for now an american in paris, the wiz, cabin in the sky, jesus christ superstar, west side story, it's always fairweather, singin' in the rain and xanadu can be burned.

the miracle of cotton

dueling disturbing gay porn movie titles

click thumbnails to see full covers, though they are not nearly as disturbing as the titles themselves.  what happened to lovely porn movie titles like "i had sex on the beach with a man i thought was hot and still thought was hot even after i had sex with him and had a few minutes to think about it but he was gone by then so i had sex with another man on the beach who looked kind of like the first guy but hotter in some ways and not as hot in others but hot overall and it felt good and then i did it again until the 90 minutes of movie was over so give me my paycheck now because my electricity's due and i have to pay for my hustler ad in frontier magazine so i can capitalize on my gay porn appearances otherwise there's no point part 2"?

"bareback ghosts"

vs. "ditch the bitch and make the switch"

vs. "sperm violence"

supremely confident hunk ass

i could come up with semi-clever captions for the hunk ass after the jump, such as "porn face, legs and everything in between" for pic 1 and "now available on craigslist" for pic 2, but sometimes ass isn't about words.

have yourself a very winter solstice

...or summer solstice if you're in the southern hemisphere.  either way, the bubblegum bouncy crap stylings of ex pop sensations vengaboys should keep you popping.  on this very special day when the sun is at its maximum or minimum in your life, vengaboys - kiss when the sun don't shine [expired] can be your anthem.  get it?  sun don't shine?  now make some noise for the vengaboys.  and girls.

andreas v tempelhoff is hypnotic

or maybe it's just my rahm emanuel fetish acting up again.

michael richards is michael richards

it's not up to me to forgive michael richards or not. other people can. and it can turn into healing for him and racism awareness or what not. certainly mel gibson is happy about michael's racism because it took the heat off him. mel was quoted as saying he "likes" michael. still i just can't forgive because i think mr. richards is insincere and a fucked up motherfucker. even if he were to follow the suggestion of funnywomen frangela and pay for college for 50 black people, i still am horrified by his rant and can't let it go. this "joke" i just wrote expresses it best:

black person walks into a bar. bartender michael richards says "we don't serve your kind here." black person says "why not?" michael richards says "because you don't have a cellphone camera."

see, i can't let it go.

threat to genital safety

this blue collar turkish bear softcore would read more convincingly blue collar if it did not violate a cardinal rule of carpentry.

things that hurt

• dreaming that you're working in some big company that's in a tall building made of snow at the las vegas airport and you go on vacation for two years and when you come back they've given , kkk-er, holocaust revisionist, ex-presidential candidate, former member of louisiana state representative david duke the corner office and have a drug plan where they fill prescriptions but with bad information on the pill bottles because they're goal is to just make not keep people well so you're in the lunchroom and anderson cooper asks a pointed question about the drug plan and people are so upset he gets "disappeared" and then someone pulls a gun and everyone thinks it's fake but you know better so you run out of the lunchroom along with the only other person who takes the gun seriously who is this women with black naturally curly hair and she goes to the side office and says you can join her in hiding but you say that's a bad place to hide because it has no back way out and she agrees so we go running up the stairs and find a room with a chess set and haylie duff and the woman with the perm says if people come after us we should go up these shingles that are part of a side staircase and then up into an attic room because there's a back way out from there and just as she says that haylie screams "the press!" so we all run as planned except you don't bother climbing up the shingles you just jump across a pool of water to get to where the stairs continue so you're a few steps ahead of haylie and perm woman but we all get behind a curtain that goes into the attic and it's dark and we don't know where to go when suddenly a guy the perm woman calls professor is there and he is wearing a bright green sweater and baggy black sleep pants and we tell him that people are after us and he picks up a dozen glass bottles on a glass bottle holder and drops them out the window to the pavement below and they explode with noise and those after us are no longer after us because they heard the noise and went to investigate thinking we fell out the window and exploded like glass or whatever they thought but we still don't know how to get out and the professor says we don't have to right away and you think he likes haylie and perm woman more than you even though you're cuter because you've been working out lately and had that long vacation to rest up so you shuffle around in the dim room which came into view better after time and had black floors and walls and metal scrollwork and a red velvet movie theater behind a curtain and you wondered what was playing and what professor did for a living and if haylie duff would have beaten you at chess and whatever happened to anderson cooper but then you woke up.