things that hurt

• dreaming that you're working in some big company that's in a tall building made of snow at the las vegas airport and you go on vacation for two years and when you come back they've given , kkk-er, holocaust revisionist, ex-presidential candidate, former member of louisiana state representative david duke the corner office and have a drug plan where they fill prescriptions but with bad information on the pill bottles because they're goal is to just make not keep people well so you're in the lunchroom and anderson cooper asks a pointed question about the drug plan and people are so upset he gets "disappeared" and then someone pulls a gun and everyone thinks it's fake but you know better so you run out of the lunchroom along with the only other person who takes the gun seriously who is this women with black naturally curly hair and she goes to the side office and says you can join her in hiding but you say that's a bad place to hide because it has no back way out and she agrees so we go running up the stairs and find a room with a chess set and haylie duff and the woman with the perm says if people come after us we should go up these shingles that are part of a side staircase and then up into an attic room because there's a back way out from there and just as she says that haylie screams "the press!" so we all run as planned except you don't bother climbing up the shingles you just jump across a pool of water to get to where the stairs continue so you're a few steps ahead of haylie and perm woman but we all get behind a curtain that goes into the attic and it's dark and we don't know where to go when suddenly a guy the perm woman calls professor is there and he is wearing a bright green sweater and baggy black sleep pants and we tell him that people are after us and he picks up a dozen glass bottles on a glass bottle holder and drops them out the window to the pavement below and they explode with noise and those after us are no longer after us because they heard the noise and went to investigate thinking we fell out the window and exploded like glass or whatever they thought but we still don't know how to get out and the professor says we don't have to right away and you think he likes haylie and perm woman more than you even though you're cuter because you've been working out lately and had that long vacation to rest up so you shuffle around in the dim room which came into view better after time and had black floors and walls and metal scrollwork and a red velvet movie theater behind a curtain and you wondered what was playing and what professor did for a living and if haylie duff would have beaten you at chess and whatever happened to anderson cooper but then you woke up.

• working out so hard with your personal trainer that you almost throw up during it like eight times but you don't but it still didn't feel good.
• working out so hard with your personal trainer that every muscle you're pushing reaches muscle failure which feels like failure which makes you think about being weak and bullied on the playground except then he reminds you that muscle failure is the goal of bodybuilding and burning is normal just as long as it's not joint or tendon or ligament pain it's just the muscle working hard which is what we want so failure is ironically the goal though he didn't use the word ironically.
• being a grade geek perfectionist from way back who has a bigger ego than he thought in terms of not liking to reach muscle failure because even though it's success it feels like failure and failure feels like death and letting the lesson sink in that muscle failure while hanging on to the edge of a cliff would be death but focused working out of a muscle group to failure and doing forced reps is success.
• wondering why you are working out in the first place if you're not trying to look like someone in particular but maybe you're trying to look like yourself but strong which means now you're weak and that's hard to take but it's true so you work hard and blood flows and muscles shake and strain and you have crazy dreams and david duke denies the holocaust but you move on with your life and understand why you have so little extended biological family even though you know your great great grandmother on one side had fifteen children but they all ended up dead except for your great grandmother who made it to new york and the relatives on the other side didn't fare much better and whoever didn't escape died so if you did have a gang of extended family that hadn't been killed by hitler or stalin or both then you would have a gang of extended family that could fight david duke to the bloody knuckles but you don't so you'll need to fight him alone so it's good you're working out so you'll win and look good doing it.

Comments

[jason]

Goodness...a mention my lovely city's
pride and joy, DD?
But don't worry, he's not in the Ice Castle Inc. Building in Las Vegas, he's safe in Tehran, giving advice and "truth" on the holocaust to the Iranian Government. (honest)
See, there's nothing to fear but fear itself.