ultranow

jennifer hudson and jennifer holliday to the damn max!

the best duet that could possibly happen finally did.  jennifer hudson and jennifer holliday teamed it up to  blow it up.  opening tonight's 2007 bet awards with a pow and a growl and a shout and a fever and ultimately their hands clenched in triumph while the audience uniformly freaked out, the jennifers worked it out with of course and i am telling you!  my homemade and i am telling you (hudson vs holliday) from this past december finally came true.  dreams coming true.  it's a good sign.

chris benoit murder suicide extravaganza

of all the professional wrestlers who could possibly kill their families and then themselves, why did it have to be chris benoit's murder suicide shenanigans?  why couldn't it have been hulk hogan to do the deeds?  at least then daughter brooke's music career would be over.  oh wait, it already is.

time will tell if it was 'roid rage, but for now i'm just glad chris never took me up on an offer i made via a homemade sign i brought to a wwe show at seattle's key arena a few year's ago.  it was simply a downward arrow pointing at myself and the now horrifying words "future mrs. benoit!"  my alternate sign "take me to the edge!" directed at, of course, edge had actually been greeted with a friendly nod by edge himself.  benoit thankfully ignored me.

joking about the deaths last night with a friend, because that's how we roll, we wondered if benoit had killed them with his trademark crippler crossface.  since his son died of being smothered, this actually now seems like a possibility.  somehow murder suicide is not funny today.  or at least not as funny.

but back to air quotes funny.  since he was known as the rabid wolverine, perhaps the medical examiner will discover he actually had rabies and there can be a panic inducing headline "rabid wolverine kills family then self!"

he's still one of the hottest pieces of rough trade wrestling has ever produced, even if he's dead.  goodbye chris.

p.s. possibly wwe should have waited on airing the hours long benoit tribute it did on monday night.  tributes to murderers aren't as cool as they used to be.

and he shall exposeth himself upon a throne of mulch

and lo shall all view his ripped open pants crotch and sneaker sole after the jump.

he is remote controlling me with his no neckness

after the nsfw jump because he's also remote controlling himself.

dear everyone, please tell me what the fuck to do

i don't care that i'm always running from something, never to something.  i can't fix that life method so much right now and maybe running from is all i can do again.  what i know in my core is i can't stand where i am and i need it to change and i don't know what the fuck to do and i need help.  so whether you're a regular reader or not, please post a comment telling me:

• what the fuck city i should move to? 
• what the fuck should i do for a living?

so your comment may look like:  "devils lake, north dakota; jesus camp coordinator" (i just saw that jesus camp doc, okay, and that's where the camp was.  p.s. that movie was soooo boring.)

let me add i live in seattle so that's out, not because it's awful, just because i've been here 13 years and i need a change and maybe more guys with dark hair.  and as for work, let me add i'm at heart a non-commercial artist type, so the job just needs to pay the bills, have health benefits, not be too exhausting, and allow some type of people watching/life experience during it that could help feed my artist self some decent material for my off time.  i'm not going to say my exact education or current job.  and maybe i should try and be a commercial artist after all.  that's up to you all to say.  i'm clay.

or just forget that last paragraph and make something up.   this blog ought to tell you something about me to help.

p.s. i'll tell you all what i end up doing and even though i'm a horrible risk taker maybe i'm not so bad at it anymore.

hungry hungry mike farrell

i emphasize seattle is not the hotbed of celebrity gossip...until now!!!  b.j. himself was recently spotted at a whole foods purchasing a slice of vegan chocolate mousse cake.  when i think of how many vegans had to die to make that cake, i shiver.  all the individual slices were gone so the bakery worker cut up a cake that was supposed to be sold as whole.  mr. farrell, who busies himself with anti-death penalty protests and cashing residual checks, promptly adjourned to the store patio and "devoured" the slice.  i can only imagine what he did on his progressive vegan sugar high.  splurge on organic cotton sheets?  perhaps!!!

if you're wondering if whole foods vegan chocolate mousse cake is good, the word is if you're a vegan, it's the best thing ever.  if you're not a vegan, it's as dry as anna nicole smith's present day vag.

this isn't the first time a celebrity has been spotted at whole foods.

oh, and since i'm on the topic of mike farrell and food, after the jump is a mike farrell sandwich.

alaina alexander is desperate for gay fans

if you're an ex-american idoler, can't sing like kimberley locke or frenchie davis, but crave a gay fan base, whatever do you do?  well if you're alaina alexander, who made it only as far as the top 24 last season, you lend your voice to a video on those murdered by homophobes.  watch it here.  yes, i am that jaded that i think she's doing this not because she's anti-homophobic murder, but is purely seeking the gay market.  shockingly, she can actually sing, but then i was crying so loud i could barely hear her, because the video includes a clip from that jenny jones episode where a guy had a surprise crush on another guy, which resulted in the crusher being crushed by the crushee with total murder.  seeing that tiny clip was so sad.  i really miss the jenny jones show.

america's got talent

let's see david hasselhoff judge this nsfw fella's special skill.  i do believe he's ready for prime time.

when a jewish android dreams of charles nelson reilly

ever since charles nelson reilly died, the world is not enough.  so i had this dream see.  i'm in a college classroom and charles, i mean mr. nelson reilly, is a special guest because it's a theater related class and he is (was in real life but is in the dream) a theater g-ddess.  after his presentation, he and i are milling around this table full of crappy snacks and he's talking to me like he's met me before which i just go with even though i don't remember it and he says there's a guy i know in london who would be perfect for you and i'm going to set you up with him in a month.  i'll fly you out and everything.

i knew mr. nelson reilly wouldn't live that long and i was torn between telling him he should set me up sooner because i selfishly wanted to meet that guy because madonna once asked me do you believe in love and i said yes really quick before she could say well i've got something to say about it and it goes something like this.  torn between telling him because knowing he was going to die in short order might ruin his remaining time.  torn between that and not telling him, which would mean i'd never get set up with the guy in london.

it's only after the fact of this dream that i realized what i should have said to mr. nelson reilly is that he specify in his will that i am to be set up with mr. so and so smart, funny, sensitive hunk on such and such a day in london.  so that didn't work out.

hey did you know that people say confidence and power are sexy?  i'm so screwed.

ever before never after

having been born into an environment from which i soon realized i wished to escape yet did not escape for years and more years, is it at all acceptable for me to currently be in an environment i wish to escape and yet to do nothing?  the feeling of being trapped and powerless is strong and appears as reality, yet it is a feeling.  like any human, i wish to exert some control over my environment that is not limited to changing my perception of it.  it is time either to give up forever or never give up again.  i am ready for the present.  i am ready to live.