ultranow

ultranow is how old?

find out after the nsfw jump.

617 posts.  over 1 million hits. what the fuck.

jaclyn hergott annie magic

with all the talk of multi-million hit youtube video phenoms (which what do you get when that happens...a degrading 2 minute guest spot on that whore maury povich's show?) here's two sub 1000 played videos which prove that sometimes amidst community theater low production values (and intermittently off key chorus members) are 8 year old annies named jaclyn hergott who've got the goods.  and the wig.

america's next top model cycle 9 winner

i won't be exhaustively mytaking this cycle of top model.  the whole going to school, working, like looking for like "like" and like "love", cooking, cleaning, erranding - just can't add antm to it.  but after two shows i love heather the mostest.  she's goth fierce.  they better not blonde her out though maybe she'd look good that way too.  and she has ass burger.  which is how the other wannabe models pronounce what she actually has, which is asperger's.  not ready for something in life?  maybe it'll be too much, too soon?  maybe you'll fail?  as heather says her mom told her, they can only kick her out of the house once.  she can only lose once.  but she could also win big.  and so can i.  and wherever i work.  and whoever i like.  and whoever i love.  win.  big.  or lose.   small.

p.s. to heather.  hope you've been working on your posture.  it's not the bestest but who cares.

pointless celebrity sighting

saw ian buchanan on broadway here in bad young seattle.  broadway's a crappy mini-mall street, not show bidness.  luckily i was heavily statused out with my american apparel bag which meant i wasn't intimidated.  he was so layered 80s and was accompanied by two total fags, one of whom had an urban outfitters bag.  i heard his scottish accent.  i saw the duke lavery-ness.  that's who he played on general hospital, which i used to watch right after fat albert.  i had nothing to say because "hey, aren't you that guy i used to have a crush on in 1987?" seemed inappropriate.  after all, the two fags he was with might have thought i was talking about them.  at least i knew his first name was ian and he looked at me.  i had to look up the buchanan part.

 

he was asking one of the guys about that guy's career choice, then he gawked in the window of an adult superstore about which there is nothing super.  last seen heading in the direction of a piroshky joint, but they could just as easily have been on their way to a piercing parlor or a jack-in-the-crack on the same block.   jack in the crack is seattle lingo for jack in the box i think because fags go there when the bars close and fags are clever with the rhymes (yes i mean you snoop dogg!) or because of the whole e coli outbreak the jack place killed people with back in the 1990s of last millenium.

 

i'm taller than him or at least stopped slouching while i stared and he wears rich people earth shoes and khakis and sport coat and probably $90 underwear.  oh yeah, i could have also said "what's it like to be 291st in line to be james bond?" but then he would just have stared pensively and gone to commercial. 

advertising extremes

bad advertising

good (and rather three dimensional) advertising

new they might be giants video: the shadow government

living

i've been so focused on thinking about what i want to do for a living, i haven't thought about where.  and it turns out, looking backward, where has always been the most important.  my priorities are for sure changing.  i've gone from so happy to be earning a better living than i had in the past (with some reasonable savings finally) to knowing that money isn't enough, that money can't override a lack of satisfaction.  but then watching roseanne reruns where she amusingly hates every damn job and boss she ever has (except tellingly when she, jackie, their mom and nancy open the diner) has sent me a message that maybe just maybe life outside of work can make work worth it.  now i don't have kids to support.  i have me.  and being a safety net for people i love.  beyond that i'm eating a cold burrito right now because i'm so tired from being bored at work i don't have the energy to heat it up.

the only way this background could be more '80s is if debbie gibson were standing back there listening to her sony walkman while wearing leg warmers and rocking the loreal color mousse look while robert smith sulked face down on the floor

kathy griffin now on the d+ list

kathy griffin: my life on the d-list won the emmy for outstanding reality program yesterday, launching kathy from d to d+ status.  no more waiting for a table at denny's!  her competition was identical to last year:  antiques roadshow, dog whisperer, extreme makeover: home edition, and penn & teller: bullshit!  as this was the creative arts emmy's, it wasn't broadcast, but the emmy is still real.  of course michael j. fox has won lots of emmy's, so basically it's a meaningless honor.  still according to kathygriffin.net, her acceptance speech included the gem: "Can you believe this shit? Hell has frozen over. Suck it, Jesus, this award is my g-d now."

zac efron naked from below the waist up

when you're a new star (zac efron) and you're obviously posing for paparrazi in a playgirl / moda uomo manner, does that mean it's not technically a paparrazi shot?  if it's amateur porn but the models get paid, is it still amateur?  is all that matters in defining a product or an act who gets paid?  and when's the last time i wanted to see a 19 year old all the way naked?  um, now.  and i want to go on vacation too.