27 things i hate about tyra and america's next top model

1. the winner of season 9 went to tyra's t-zone camp when she was 14 so shouldn't have been eligible.
2. the winner of season 9 was in a national wendy's commercial already which by antm rules should have meant she wasn't eligible for the show at all.
3. the winner of season 9 has modeled in an antm season 6 runway show and on the tyra banks show.
4. the winner of season 9 is not high fashion at all.
5. i refuse to say "cycle" instead of "season" anymore.
6. tyra cast who she wanted to win with the hopes that an already working model could be more successful than past antm winners and prove that america's next top model really is a top model.
7. tyra eliminated jenah even though she took the best pictures, at tyra's own admission.  the reason was stupid so i'm not even saying it.
8. everyone who is on the show has seen the show so much they know what's coming and despite attempts at creating variety, there is none.  case in point, bianca knew if she said ridiculous, bitchy things in confession and with the other women she'd be kept in the house longer because she'd be needed for "good" tv.  as is typical, the house "bitch" makes it close to the end but never final two.
9. they recognized heather had a.d.d. so fed her the lines for the commercial, but the following week set her loose on the streets of shanghai expecting her to be able to focus enough to find locations on a map and ended up making it to only one go-see so got axed.  not that i know exactly how her disability affects her, but if she looked great enough and would pull in money for an agency, they'd spring for a damn escort plus she was my favorite and got canned fifth so tyra can suck it not that it matters really you know cause darfur matters more but i'm talking that about the stuff that doesn't matter and this pisses me off.
10. there were so many ads for yet another crappy cw show, the finale had at most 30 minutes of content and these included ads which seemed they were ending then got second crapwinds.
11. when tyra was walking down the runway as if a chinese queen she made eye contact to the side with where she knew the camera was and it is not royal behavior to mug.
12. then after sitting down to watch the show as ostensibly the royal ruler of all that somehow protects miss jay from being gaybashed by all of china, she ruined the royal fierce vibe by talking with such phrases as "saleisha's working it!"
13. tyra got into the youth market talk show market right after ricki lake abdicated.  tyra, i've met ricki lake.  i love ricki lake.  ricki lake had better drag queens on than you.  tyra, you are no ricki lake.
14. tyra remembered the whole "breaking them down" thing but forgot to then build them up.
15. i'm a fag and i don't want to have sex with her or look like her or have her friends or any shit like that.  she can have her life and i can have mine.  she is not in control of my destiny any longer.
16. she can not can't can not not not not sing and that time she tried hurt so bad.
17. she sits in waterfront property wearing a lacefront wig controlling weatherfronts with her dmitri casadine evil weather controlling machine from general hospital stupid plots from 25 years ago.
18. she is younger than me, richer than me, and for some reason feels the need to work still.
19. she promotes materialism.
20. janice dickinson was fired from top model because she asked for more money so we had to sit through years of twiggy soon to be replaced by paulina and while i also hate janice the idea of firing a woman who asks for more money is disgusting.
21. janice dickinson just called tyra fat and the fact the tyra is not fat yet is called fat is supposed to make me feel like i'm on tyra's side but i'm not because tyra just spouts semi-feminist values but doesn't live them which is a harsh thing to say but have you seen her show and the bland putrid cliches she spouts to people like she thinks she's oprah 2?
22. if she really meant to have a real size winner of antm, which she in an anti-feminist manner still calls "plus size", she'd cast a whole season of real size women instead of one or two tokens.
23. she wants to be super "accessible" and in so doing loses her real self which is what i thought at first but now i think there is no real self beyond what is shown and she is in fact bland and uninspiring.
24. she wasn't completely destroyed by naomi campbell even though i wish she had been.
25. when i first saw her picture, which i think was in a spread in harpers or elle back in 1990 or so, she was in a red dress and i was sitting in the university library and she was two dimensional and somewhere i wasn't yet i was also two dimensional and somewhere she wasn't because i was locked up inside my life so tight i didn't breath or move or live or live or live i didn't live and it seemed like behind her eyes maybe she was living but it's an act she's fierce but life isn't about fierce life isn't about projecting fierce even if it's supposedly being projected from within because life is about being within not projecting that within to get something like fame or money or glamour or hype or commercial endorsements.
26. she let cover girl take over top model thereby destroying couture mamas from making their mark as they should and as is most exciting to watch.  yes yoanna was couture.  goodbye top model.  goodbye tyra.  you disgust me.  and i'm wasting my time even now hating you.  it's just tv.  it's fake.  it's nothing.  but i needed to believe.  i drank the koolaid and it was good until it wasn't.
27. this is where i would normally say and the biggest thing i hate is i have to wait a few months for the next "cycle" but the biggest thing i hate is my willingness to surrender to trash tv at the expense of my life.  escape is false.  tyra promotes escape from life.  tyra is false.

Comments

[Nik]

I agree with you 100%. Saleisha's win totally upset me, almost to the point where I don't want to tune in next season. But, I am too fucking addicted to this show to NOT tune in, so I know I will anyways. The fact alone that she was able to participate even though she was in Tyra's camp, and Tyra said in the first couple episodes "I'm going to be harder on you" (and wasn't even hard on her at all) really pissed me off. She should have been gone after she was a dead ass tulip in the flower shoot.
I still don't really know WHY Chantal made it to the final two, but I would have rather had her win than Saleisha.

Buuut, Jenah should have won. Hands down. In fact, I expected her to win after the first 10 episodes. In my gut though, I had a feeling that the usual "consistent model who took fabulous pictures" would somehow be eliminated at the end for a really shady reason (like Elyse, Renee, etc.)