ultranow

ass for like no reason (okay one reason)

you know there's lots more after the jump because why not.

worst video ever

is either stupid shit by stupid shit cw faux reality show girlicious (catholic schoolgirl is so never and is especially never in 2008 - it's like four britneys minus the everything so thanks for nothing for producing them david geffen)

or whatever the hell this is

human slipcover

after the nsfw jump. nsfw unless you work at bed, bath & beyond where this sort of thing goes on all the time.

attempting to outrun the magical and alluring silver bulge monster while girlfriend observes

or at least i assume that's what's happening.

green porno courtesy of isabella rossellini

when i was in 3rd grade and people would ask me what i wanted to be when i grew up, i would say "i want to be an entymologist. not an etymologist. that's the study of words. an entymologist. the study of insects."  when an adult would ask that (most likely one wearing a "mostly mozart" or "mello yello" t-shirt), i'd get a pained smile for my linguistic trouble. if a kid asked me, i'd get a 5% increase in shunning, except on the rare occasion that kid was nerdier than me. ironically, my answer required some etymology.

well now i take back the entymologist thing because of these isabella rossellini shorts. i'm not sure how to emphasize that you all don't watch these, since i'm linking to them.  so to keep it simple, i'll just say don't watch green porno, all eight of them. oh yeah, there is an insect connection. and a vague slim goodbody one as well, due to the whole body stocking thing.  p.s. why did they take away her lancome contract?  she's fabu! yeah i know the lancome has a little mark over the o, but if they wanted me to put that, they shouldn't have messed with isabella.

burlesque and boylesque

saw my friend perform with flair and style (and crucifix pasties) at a fantabulous burlesque show.  she was booked as one of the pros and the show also featured graduates of a local burlesque school. very impressive class.  shout out to trixie lane of oldschoolpinups.com, who along with partner lance wagner, drives the whole schmeer.  so now i can't help but be inspired to do some darn boylesque.  which is what, you ask?  same as burlesque but my body's different. so a theatrical vignette which contains a device/excuse for clothing removal.  and killer music to boot.  i'll work it out and bring some boylesque (or more of it than already exists) to seattle's mostly boylesque barren stages.

so of course i had to hit up youtube for inspiration.  charlie champale is intriguing. opening his overcoat to reveal his hot watches for sale is a fine device. and if you like it, do a charlie champale search on youtube.  there's more.  just be warned, one is a stripping middle eastern garbed "terrorist" dressed in glitter dynamite sticks across his torso.  oh wait, i ruined the punchline.

after the jump is one that's nsfg, with g meaning gays, because it's a girl.  consider it a blonde venus marlene dietrich in a monkey suit inspired star wars tribute.  she's a fucking imperial stormtrooper, okay?  and it's suitably creepy and wonderful.

abs through the ages

aggressively historically reductive yet amusing video on abs through the ages [via nytimes]

he wears long shorts

strawsucker

after the shiny man jump.  nsfw unless you work in a barn at a partial nudist colony.

jon-erik hexum underwear contact sheet