ultranow

michael at perfectguyz needs a...

gulp...massage. yes, after a hard day posing on the rocks, dear studpuppet michael needs a rubdown. so while i wonder who taylor is (see the tattoo?) michael gets taken care of in every way by hunter, which is the name sexually greedy fake massage therapists are given in pornville. couple pics after the jump. and michael and hunter full throttle on perfectguyz. now i wonder if getting jacked while being massaged is relaxing or stimulating or both?

shiny porno face

crotch mystery

today i walked past this emergency room on my way to x-files 2 (which by the way it sucks for these reasons: david duchovny has no acting ability; no budget; no aliens; no writers; no car chases; no intrigue; no explosions; no jason statham with his shirt off; no no no no. the only thing it had going for it was a hilarious villain babbling in so fake russian because they couldn't afford a language coach. and a gratuituous shot of a george bush picture while the x-files pied piper theme came up in the background, feeding into the whole george bush is a reptilian humanoid theory.

but before i even got to x-files i saw a guy race walk on his way into that emergency room with a big bag of ice in one hand and grabbing his crotch through his jeans with the other. he looked extremely pained. then a few steps behind was his identical twin. no not another guy holding ice bag and crotch, but his actual biological twin.

so did his twin kick him there? did a bunk bed collapse? did they have some sort of sex accident? did some race of reptilian humanoids do an experiment on one and leave the other alone like one would a control group? why do i wish i'd taken a picture because it would last longer? and when will kermit and miss piggy finally do it? stay tuned.

advanced xxx chiropractic treatment

well what the heck else could it be? he's got glasses. he must be a doctor of something.

ouch! dj at rockhardjocks pulled his groin

coach will help him out. see for yourself at rockhardjocks.com. um, coach? that's not the groin.

lady gaga: master of the universe

you could watch the whole video but all that really matters as far as excessive camp value (is their any other kind?) is the first bit where the miss universe contestants are attempting to dance in the background. not that gaga and her crew of two are much better. if this what it takes to get an extended dance remix on tv, it's hardly worth it. i blame the donald trump organization.

camoflauge

spot the man, after the nsfw jump. well, it's only nsfw if you see him.

if artful male nudity on white shag carpeting were an olympic sport, here's your gold medalist

girlie girlie porn set with fluffy fluffy man man

tyra casts transgender woman on upcoming cycle of america's next top model

it's isis! she identifies as "a woman born physically male" and she'll be in the new cycle of antm starting september 3rd. i identify her as a tacky miniskirt with legs, with top by banana republic circa 1986.

hey, if she wants to be on antm, i'm going to slam her equally. bet she makes it 4 weeks before hitting a snag during the "club a transgender to death while looking hot doing it" shoot. because the last kind of model that can succeed is the one who says no.

still applause to tyra for doing one of her least crazy things ever. though it took long enough. now let me see an ftm on one of those rare male modeling shows that comes out every 7 years. and a guest spot by jenny shimizu doesn't count.