ultranow

best worst use of green screen effects in music video history

now i love irene cara. i mean love. she was coco in the fame movie. done. (by the way, please boycott the new fame movie because as early teaser materials shows, they high school musical-ed it). this video for out here on my own (which she redid on her album but which was on the fame soundtrack) is a green screen disaster. love it!

this man has never worn pants

after the jump. warning that the lighting is very homosexual. and so are your eyes.

willie aames naked

willie aames naked is what some random slash porn creator really really needed. willie aames as in tommy on eight is enough. willie aames as in scott baio's sidekick on charles in charge. willie aames as in creator of the live action born again fundamentalist bad special effects laden bible man show. fake naked willie aames is after the jump. he's hot from the neck down.

awesomely awful chippendales music video (yes those chippendales)

gayest junk mail ever

okay, maybe it's a close second to the "just for men" hair loss brochure i got where it was all guys staring lovingly into each other's eyes and looking a bit too coiffed to even be metrosexual. but i swear, i never thought there'd be something gayer in my mailbox today than the snazzy new underwearseses i bought. but there was: a plea for me to buy the "first annual rainbow of pride ornament" from the "danbury mint." now i'm eating dinner so don't have the energy to scan it. rather i went to their www:

"As you may know, the rainbow has been a symbol of pride and diversity for the gay community since the 1970's. Now, this recognizable symbol has been beautifully incorporated into a fine porcelain ornament to place on your tree. This elegant ornament is crafted in the shape of a snowflake. Each arm of the snowflake design features a different colored crystal inside a heart-shaped rainbow pattern. Another smaller snowflake featuring the year 2009 dangles within the larger snowflake, hallmarking the official year of issuance. As the perfect finishing touch, a rainbow-colored hanging ribbon is included for easy display. Production is strictly limited and will end forever on December 24, 2009. By purchasing this annual ornament, you will be ensured of the opportunity (but not the obligation) to acquire each new limited edition in years to come."

oh, can i get it please? it will look perfect on the christmas tree i don't have. just remember we don't get same sex marriage universally. but we do get the chance to buy the same crap as everyone else. wonderful. the only one who will buy this is the understanding, yet tacky, older sister of a guy who came out big and flaming after 20 years of marriage. it's her way of saying: "merry christmas you big fruit, i finally found something gayer than you in the universe."

overheard while riding my bike past the seattle cuff

gay #1 (pointing at gay #2): "i'll wear my hair however the fuck i want!"

gay #2: silent confusion, possibly because gay #1 was wearing a baseball cap

a nerd like me by olivia olson

ellen did a whole musical show awhile ago and slipped in this smart girl number. power to the nerd girls! p.s. how much does this sound like schoolhouse rock? lots.

republican be super awesome

or not:

WASHINGTON — The Senate's No. 2 Republican on Sunday refused to rule out a filibuster if President Barack Obama seeks a Supreme Court justice who decides cases based on "emotions or feelings or preconceived ideas."

Sen. Jon Kyl made clear he would use the procedural delay if Obama follows through on his pledge to nominate someone who takes into account human suffering and employs empathy from the bench. The Arizona Republican acknowledged that his party likely does not have enough votes to sustain a filibuster, but he said nonetheless he would try to delay or derail the nomination if Obama ventures outside what Kyl called the mainstream.

wtf?

jean-claude van damme in bikini briefs at canne

well he can't act but he can stand on his balcony in tiny underwear. you go girl!

rant against dumbfuck headline of the moment "did adam lambert lose because he's gay?"

• adam lambert is not openly gay and may not be secretly gay either.
• coming in second out of tens of thousands of wannabes is not losing.
• having the confidence to read as gay and goth to america when a potential career is on the line is not losing.
• okay adam did lose but the guy who won is married and they showed his wife in the audience every night so whoever votes based on tv crushes doesn't mind that someone is unavailable.
• adam taking the time in a post-show press conference to emphasize how he and kris allen get along because of all they have in common and kris taking the time to talk about the same thing in interviews means they looked past differences and so the fuck did america.
• adam lambert lost because kris allen connects to songs in a more natural, accessible way and in a barbie doll kind of way is cuter. i mean ken doll.  
• american idol is already campy as hell because if it weren't adam would've looked so out of place tv would have exploded. as it is he fit right in to the bright shiny fake mess.
• it's impossible to "lose" what is essentially the world's largest duped and unpaid focus group.  
• everybody loses when in close proximity to ryan seacrest, the man named after, and resembling, toothpaste. 
• did suzanne somers' house burn down that one time because adam lambert is gay?
• p.s. allison harvard did lose america's next top model because she's goth. now where's that fucking headline because it's true.