ultranow

whatup with kris allen's domain

i wonder if heterosexual american idol winner's production team will buy krisallen.com for him, because this is what's there now and it needs to either stop or take over the world.

rant against dumbfuck headline of the moment "did adam lambert lose because he's gay?"

• adam lambert is not openly gay and may not be secretly gay either.
• coming in second out of tens of thousands of wannabes is not losing.
• having the confidence to read as gay and goth to america when a potential career is on the line is not losing.
• okay adam did lose but the guy who won is married and they showed his wife in the audience every night so whoever votes based on tv crushes doesn't mind that someone is unavailable.
• adam taking the time in a post-show press conference to emphasize how he and kris allen get along because of all they have in common and kris taking the time to talk about the same thing in interviews means they looked past differences and so the fuck did america.
• adam lambert lost because kris allen connects to songs in a more natural, accessible way and in a barbie doll kind of way is cuter. i mean ken doll.  
• american idol is already campy as hell because if it weren't adam would've looked so out of place tv would have exploded. as it is he fit right in to the bright shiny fake mess.
• it's impossible to "lose" what is essentially the world's largest duped and unpaid focus group.  
• everybody loses when in close proximity to ryan seacrest, the man named after, and resembling, toothpaste. 
• did suzanne somers' house burn down that one time because adam lambert is gay?
• p.s. allison harvard did lose america's next top model because she's goth. now where's that fucking headline because it's true.

linkages of the gayness and the cultural expressions of boredom and music and words

• vintage porn icon jack wrangler died last night.
• the only instance of bill o'reilly not being a total dick and liar happens to be about adam lambert.
• phoenix lisztomania brat pack mashup is fine but someone tell the video editor that kevin bacon was never considered brat pack and just because andrew mccarthy is in the movie doesn't mean mannequin should be in a brat pack montage and someone tell phoenix they sound like bouncetastic they might be giants which is a compliment.

not that i'm watching american idol but

that new judge kara said after a ridiculous but good performance by gaytron adam lambert that it felt like "studio 57." i'm guessing she meant either studio 54 or more likely heinz 57. in the past, she's said "i have six words for you: one of the best performances of the night" which is not six words. so i figured out why they added her to the judging panel: to make paula abdul look coherent.

clay aiken comes out as a singer, i mean as gay

new mom dad clay aiken pulls an ellen and comes out on the cover of a mainstream mag. will the advocate interview follow? i'm thinking probably not. i mean what's there to ask him? except maybe if the lesbian haircut was a last ditch attempt to like girls. now when's kimberley locke coming out? because i heard about her dykitudeness second hand years ago, same time i heard about clay. oh and as for the other cover item "rockers' plane crash horror: how they survived" here's how. by not dying. thanks.

alaina alexander is desperate for gay fans

if you're an ex-american idoler, can't sing like kimberley locke or frenchie davis, but crave a gay fan base, whatever do you do?  well if you're alaina alexander, who made it only as far as the top 24 last season, you lend your voice to a video on those murdered by homophobes.  watch it here.  yes, i am that jaded that i think she's doing this not because she's anti-homophobic murder, but is purely seeking the gay market.  shockingly, she can actually sing, but then i was crying so loud i could barely hear her, because the video includes a clip from that jenny jones episode where a guy had a surprise crush on another guy, which resulted in the crusher being crushed by the crushee with total murder.  seeing that tiny clip was so sad.  i really miss the jenny jones show.

blake lewis moment

ew.com is asking crazed fans to vote on which cover to go with for the american idol winner.  as for the blake lewis options, i go for the one on the right.  can you tell why?  i know you can.  the blown up reason is after the jump.  though maybe jordin sparks has one too.  i never really looked.

kimberley locke is not corey hart but she's close enough

i love ai alum kimberley locke's upcoming performance schedule:

june 1, masque nightclub
june 2, parliament house
june 9, alburquerque pride
june 9, sidewinders nightclub

is there a night she goes out when she's not surrounded by screaming or drag or leather or cowpoke queens?  even during her upcoming celebrity fit club gig on vh1, she's got ross the intern as a cohort.  the lady (i don't say girl when i've heard someone's a lesbian) has her career path down: adult contemporary with remixes available, hitting both the gay and closet gay markets.  and of course the lesbian market as well.  yum, right?  wonder if her alleged girlfriend calls her kimber.

you can hear the remix of her new single change on her myspace and pre-order her new cd based on a true story.  oh geez, i'm linking to an ai related myspace.  i am so 15 years old right now.  of course if i were really 15 again, i'd have a phone cord wrapped semi-tightly around my neck while contemplating my lack of a future, only to be saved by corey hart's never surrender.  see cause that's what i was doing when i was 15.  now do you get why i need to hear a song called change?

american idol boycott: day 2

i know my boycott won't last.  but at least for the cattle call humiliationathon episodes, i'll take a pass.  i still have a bad taste in my mouth from taylor hicks.  until him, i thought salt and pepper hair was uniformly erotic.  plus i'm sick of watching all the (as perceived by the non-esteemed, stinking rich judges) freaks, fairies and fatties get the boot.  and i'm frustrated by the people they won't even show in the first place because if we were to see them we'd so want them to win and they would win but they don't fit the right marketing demographic so they never even make air. 

they pick the four or so people they could handle winning, then stick a couple dozen or so schlubs around them who even if talented wouldn't shine in comparison to the chosen four.  it's a big focus group we pay them to be a part of, with time, energy, and advertising dollars.  when it gets to the top 12, maybe then i'll watch.  i guess.  i like to see what's being forced down my throat.  now since i'm not a star i need to go and do my laundry, cook dinner, take out the trash, and watch the janice dickinson modeling agency, a show with no morals or values (such as those desperately implied by the word american).

ryan seacrest plain and tall

so no way he's 5'10" right?  okay the "in heels" part is mine and okay people magazine may have put the wrong height on purpose to feed into the whole ryan seacrest has a napoleon complex thing and get people talking about their hottest bachelors issue even more.  but more likely he or his publicist lied or knew of the lie.  and most likely people magazine made ryan stand against a west hollywood fern bar doorframe to get measured and ryan s. perched on his tippytoes screaming measure me already dammit before his calves collapsed from the 10 pounds of hair gel on his calf hair.  oh well, whether 5'10" (fraudulent) or 5'7 3/4" (more accurate), he's still taller than semi-lookalike cameron of the semi-unknown bratz boyz line in his toyko-a-go-go outfit.  you just know ryan owns the whole bratz boyz collection.  finally something i can respect him for.