ultranow

alaina alexander is desperate for gay fans

if you're an ex-american idoler, can't sing like kimberley locke or frenchie davis, but crave a gay fan base, whatever do you do?  well if you're alaina alexander, who made it only as far as the top 24 last season, you lend your voice to a video on those murdered by homophobes.  watch it here.  yes, i am that jaded that i think she's doing this not because she's anti-homophobic murder, but is purely seeking the gay market.  shockingly, she can actually sing, but then i was crying so loud i could barely hear her, because the video includes a clip from that jenny jones episode where a guy had a surprise crush on another guy, which resulted in the crusher being crushed by the crushee with total murder.  seeing that tiny clip was so sad.  i really miss the jenny jones show.

carefully placed horror

a white house spokesman said president bush was horrified by the war in iraq and offered his prayers to the victims and the people of iraq.

oh wait, i'm sorry.  i misquoted.  a white house spokesman said president bush was horrified by the virginia tech shooting rampage and offered his prayers to the victims and the people of virginia. 

no horror with iraq.  iraq is just fine.  and also dandy.

sexy sexy criminal

it's convicted irs defrauder and identity thief evangelos dimitros soukas modeling the color of the moment, if that moment is 8 years in prison only broken up by today's testimony before the senate finance committee on how easy the irs makes it to file fraudulent tax returns on people's behalf, a goal of which is to then take out refund loans in that person's name.  sexy and smart.  he's kevin federline.  except sexy and smart.  love the suit jacket over the prison orange.  so ralph lauren.  not the ralph lauren.

lesson in seattlelism

packed bus.  guy standing in the aisle rants about how he's going to cut the next person who messes with him, who asks him to move, who touches him, who basically does anything in relation to him.  he says repeatedly he has razors and he'll cut someone and take them out or punch them bap bap bap then run off the bus and get away.  some people smirk and the person nearest to him in the aisle on one side shies away from him.  ignoring is fine.  not making oneself a target is fine.  shying away is fine.

but if this were philadelphia where i used to live, i can't help but think people would have literally gotten off the bus out of actual fear or yelled for the bus driver to do something.  or called the police on their cell phones.  seattle is so damned laid back that even someone giving all the signs of being a real threat (and providing the added negative motivation of smelling like shit and vomit) is ignored.  the response of most appeared to be turning up their ipods.  well npr won't save you when you're being razored and punched.  and last i checked threats were considered assault, then battery is the actual attack.

i want seattle to be in the present.  i want seattle to have emotion.  i want seattle to be real.  i want the same things of myself.  i was crammed in the far back of the bus.  nowhere to move.  no cell phone.  alone in my emotions.  with a threat between me and the door.  that's not a good place to be.  i need a bath.

dragging barbra streisand's image in the mud

the editor's choice as to what jon peters photo would best accompany this article partially screencapped below is reprehensible to the max.  and i don't say reprehensible to the max just because i doubt anyone else has ever said reprehensible to the max and it feels good to be different.  i say it because what does barbra streisand have to do with jon peters allegedly sexually harrassing a woman and her child?  did she help jon insert golden globes into unwilling orifices?  are they the bonnie and clyde of sexual harrassment?  the only crime on her rap sheet is that '70s perm.  barbra's a good egg.  leave her out of it.

triumph of the pigeon

this afternoon i witnessed a chemically altered and/or mentally challenged crackhead nutjob go apeshit on a pigeon on a downtown seattle sidewalk.  when the seattle pigeon, which like all pigeons is biologically equipped with a form of radar so could handle itself quite well thank you, did not get out of his way as fast as he wanted, he went all stompcrazy on it, thankfully missing repeatedly in a tom and jerry manner.  while the pigeon skillfully hopped and fluttered out of his way and in between crazed stomps slurped up sidewalk crumbs, the everyone and everything is out to get me man screamed "why won't you get out of my way!?  get out of my way!!!  i'll kill you!!!!!  kill you!!!!!"   if anyone from the future was recording the incident, i'm sure it will make it into the webster's 2743 edition video dictionary entry for taking things too personally.  right next to oprah and the whole james frey deal.

for the serial killer who has everything

i killed jonbenet! no i killed jonbenet!! no i killed jonbenet!!!

so the guy who says he killed jonbenet probably didn't kill her because he wasn't even in the same state or whatever at the time.  my theory is he's masturbated while fantasizing that he'd raped and killed her so often, he lost touch with the truth.  either that or he's raped and killed so many little pageant girls, he lost track.  now that it's clear to all the deranged that one can become (in)famous by claiming to have committed a popcrime, i expect other wannabes will be jumping on the paddywagon, claiming responsibility for such dastardly acts as:

• 9/11 commemorative/exploitative pop-up silverish coin
• entertainment tonight
• american eagle outfitters
• professional tennis players wearing clothes
• masterminding the "madonna is still relevant" conspiracy
• the end of the world
• danity kane

shooting at jewish federation of greater seattle

this is a breaking story, so go to a real news outlet for updates (please not fox).  newslinks below.  what i do know is:

• a lone gunman shot up the jewish federation in downtown seattle today at about 4pm, killing at least one and wounding several others, including a pregnant woman.  he is now in custody.
• police and fbi currently don't know that there's a connection to an organized group, and do believe at the moment that the gunman was acting alone.
• they found out (possibly from him) that he parked in the garage under bed, bath & beyond. the whole area with his car is blocked off so they can bring in the bomb squad.
• swat teams drive shiny black trucks.  i saw a few zooming to the scene.
• it may be retaliation against israel's actions as of late.  and while i have never been unilaterally supportive of israel's postures and actions (actually i've been critical), i am unilaterally against shooting up the jewish federation of greater seattle.
• this led to the dumbest cell phone comment i've ever overheard on the bus: "what a weird place to have a shooting".  let me break this down.  "have" makes it sound like it's a party or a picnic, like people were invited to the shooting.  "weird" makes it sound like it was just some wacky idea to shoot up people in a jewish organization, analogous to a comment such as "jews...what a weird thing that they were killed in the holocaust".  it's not "weird", lady.  it's an intentional hate crime.  scary not "weird".  scary, hateful, say it with me.
• this is totally fucked and i'm scared.  more scared than normal.
• and angry.  but i'm not picking up a gun in response like some people in this world.

news:  seattle times | seattle p-i | northwest cable news

horror and whatever the opposite of horror is

• for the cuh-rafty cuh-pedophile who pays his cuh-victims, it's the undies wallet.  while i accept that non-pedophiles may enjoy making one and that it may be some innocent yet kitschy project, it's still totally creepy with a capital creep.
• undead viral marketing to which i am a willing partner.
• beedogs has new beedogs and equally as joyous and hypnotic as the beedogs is the coaxifying next page link language such as "controversial new research has suggested that prolonged periods of beedog viewing can be detrimental to one’s health. is clicking through to the next page a risk you are willing to take?"  so glory in the new batch or start from the beginning while i put beedog honey in my tea.