ultranow

goatse guy finally turns around

the infamous goatse guy has a face not just an ass and a half.  who knew?  kirk "3 cucumbers in my rectum simultaneously" johnson after the jump.  what a peaceful fellow.

show off turn on

you ever have insomnia because you're out of the good prescription painkillers the dentist let you have after your bum wisdom tooth was extracted and it still hurts several days later and it's so so hot and you can't sleep which is what insomnia is called so you stare out your window in the middle of the pre-dawn night early morning wee hours and you stare and you stare and nothing is happening but you know if you can't sleep you're supposed to get out of bed for a few minutes and then try again so you do get out of bed and you stare and stare out of the window and scan the windows of the across the street apartment building for any activity for anyone sharing the same non-somnia and you see a light flip on and you see a man masturbating in full view of potentially one other person only which is to say me and he's masturbating and on a higher floor than me but still just across the street and you wonder what his buzzer number is on the intercom and maybe you could invite yourself up to witness the boldness and you watch and you watch and he masturbates and masturbates and the light goes off and you go to sleep and wake up too early way too early and have no idea if what you witnessed actually happened or was strictly a dream and if it was a dream if it was your dream or the dream of the man who dreamed of masturbating in his open window for all to see and didn't really do it but dreamt of it only but it was still witnessed.  his light was on.  he has a penis.  he touched it.  he moved it.  i saw more detail than was probable unless i have binocular eyes but pain does strange things and the supernatural does strange things.  it happened and it didn't happen.  so has that ever happened and not happened to you in the middle of the early morning night pre-dawn nothingness existence?  yeah, me neither.

doubtless beauty

man plus pole plus infinity-mirrored wall equals $23.50 in tips

laws of physics defying ebay scowler

exactly how is his bulge showing so clearly through both yellow underwear and black shorts and exactly how is he getting away with that camo hat when it's after labor day and exactly when is it not after labor day except on labor day and exactly where in space and time is he cause i'm fucking his tits now yet he is also in a plain white room far away from me and exactly why is he so angry did daddy go to the grocery store for a carton of milk and never come back?

which is technically more exhibitionistic?

ebay deathgaze robot

ebay spandex bulge moment

seriously bitchy ebay critiques

could you take your precious watch off before you put on your silver spandex superhero bodysuit? i know you don't want to miss the bus to the gym, but please! and would a less drab background, as in any background at all, have killed you? if this is what a superhero wears around the house, what do you wear on the job, a giant faberge egg?

why skimp on the grease, mary? be an ebay sleaze fashionista and oil up your gams and mug too. props for the sunglasses though. you're dead on right trying to disguise yourself. p.s. i'd still suck your dick in a second (after i rip off and burn your necklace) so leave the skank grease off that manmeat.

next time you stuff your hideous geometry crotch, try something more realistically penis-and-balls-shaped (like a penis and balls) versus a run over teddy bear or 27 hefty bags or whatever the hell is in there that is totally extremely not penis and balls. p.s. penis and balls.

patrick stewart is a pervert exhibitionist (okay he was just playing oberon)