ultranow

is it wrong to want to fuck this wedding cake's mouth?

beware: how to make green screen cookies

horrible

• horrible diy
• horrible product
• horrible person

p.s. okay the diy isn't horrible, just impractical.

p.p.s. okay the product isn't horrible, just ostentatious.

p.p.p.s. okay the person isn't horrible, just terrifying.

ben and jerry's renames chubby hubby to hubby hubby for september

ice cream that raises awareness about the freedom to marry! learn all about it now over on the ben and jerry's site. politics and food taste so good together. that said, i'm on a coconut based ice cream jag lately. vegan. low glycemic. but damn, knock yourself out with hubby hubby. or at least groove on the '70s hallucination packaging. and yes i looked close and the two dudes are of different skin color. hoping for even more diversity in ice cream, i'm rooting for the next flavors to be chubby tranny, grubby lezzie, clubby kiddy, and in a tribute to the language from zoom, ubbi dubbi.

bea arthur prepares seattle for her return

we all have multiple persona. i vacillate between accepting that bea arthur is dead and knowing in my heart that she's alive. of course, even if she's dead, it's temporary. so remember that scene in star trek: first contact where worf notes that the temperature controls on the enterprise have been acting all screwy resulting in a precisely warmer temperature shipwide and then picard recognizes the temperature and knows that there are borg on the ship because that's the temperature borg need? yeah i knew you remembered.

well seattle has been super hot last few days, almost 90 yesterday. and miami, home of the golden girls, is super hot as well. so it's clear to me that bea arthur is making seattle like miami to prepare the city for her rise from the dead. once she's back, i'll take her for some molly moon's ice cream. of course since i'm veering toward vegan, i'll get the vegan sorbet instead of one of those "worth coming back from the dead" ice cream flavors like salted licorice or balsamic strawberry. i hope, as she scarfs down her cone and blabs about her sex life, she understands. maybe i'll tell a st. olaf story to make her feel more at home.

p.s. this is not the only star trek bea arthur connection. there's that rumor that she was the slave girl with the massive beehive in the episode with the tri-color brains who were using the enterprise crew as part of some gambling games they were playing to amuse themselves. it's crazy for people to think bea was in that episode because she totally wasn't. boy, some people are nuts!

the weekend was fabulicous

because i:

• met a miniature poodle named mr. cuddles
• had molly moon's ice cream for the first time
• saw adventureland
• witnessed a guy/princess at the seattle eagle bitch into his cell "can't hear you. they need to turn down this fucking music!"
• hung with a flirty banker/porn actor
• shined in my singing lesson

ok it wasn't all roses and peaches and pears and kiwis, because i also:

• learned my jason statham adoration has its limits, aka transporter 3 (is it possible to un-netflix something?)
• married and divorced the shamwow guy
• again didn't say hi to a guy i want to say hi to at the gym though to my credit maybe i don't want to say hi just look from afar because he never smiles and i only find vulcans attractive in outer space

linkalicious

on december 10, call in gay to work and donate your time to lgbt community service. that's right, call in gay, not sick.

hey did you know how sad and ironic it is to read that racism is over since obama get elected when racism totally isn't over?

freeballin' on the beach.

give free food to those in need by clicking a banner at thehungersite.com. no really, it's free for you to give because your click adds to what their sponsors will then give.

amy poehler's web show smart girls at the party is so damn needed and perfect. it's also sponsored by mattel's barbie, inexplicably sponsored i should say because it's about little girls who are about more than skinny dolls. catch the episode with ruby. "smart girls have more fun!"

fierce oprah on a fierce motorcycle on a fierce cake

i feel honored to say i'm friends with the cake decorator who by the way had put the name after the happy birthday but i photoshopped it out to protect the innocent oprah obsessed. only thing missing (though not technically missing since customer hadn't requested it) is oprah's husband gayle in a sidecar. vroom!

do i boycott heinz?

because they made this gay ad for their mayo and aired it in england but then pulled the ad after a couple hundred protest phone calls from gay haters and whining by bill o'reilly?

or do i boycott heinz because i'm a vegetarian and "mum" gives his daughter an extra piece of ham?

or do i boycott heinz because the ad's not funny and i don't eat mayonnaise anyway?

conclusion: all i eat by heinz is their organic ketchup and i can't stop because it's the best ketchup ever but i'm going to eat less of it because giving in to anti-gay protestors is ridiculous.

vegfest made my day

on my way to vegfest, i'm waiting for the bus and see a kinda hunky short shaved head guy with a huge backpack and a gym bag and he's holding some book and reading out loud to himself so i figure he's an idiot who never learned to read without moving his lips.  as i pass by him i realize he's reading a bible so i figure he's an idiot who never learned to read the bible without moving his lips.  hey prayer is just dandy but absent a congregation or coven or whatnot, i'm not sure why it needs to be out loud in public.