ultranow

merry hanukkah

chevonne - my menorah

okay i totally hate this song but fuck how many sexy hanukkah videos are there? um, one now? try to enjoy, but please don't buy her music or nothing. seriously.

horrible

• horrible diy
• horrible product
• horrible person

p.s. okay the diy isn't horrible, just impractical.

p.p.s. okay the product isn't horrible, just ostentatious.

p.p.p.s. okay the person isn't horrible, just terrifying.

gunman kills 2 at tel aviv club for gay youths (make that 3)

fuck to the no. jew on jewgay violence is not the key to world peace. which means those orthodox jews chasing bruno down the street in the bruno movie were about to beat the shit out of him for real. but back to a real event.  here's the stupidest line in the story: "Tel Aviv police chief Shachar Ayalon stopped short of branding the shooting a hate crime in remarks to reporters." uh, yeah. no hate happening at all. duh, it wasn't a fucking robbery.

august 3 update: gay shooting inflames debate in israel

naked tallis man says shalom with his crotch

what the hell? oh wait, jews don't believe in hell.

now (as in at this exact moment) #1 in google for gay jewish cock

i'm so proud! and no i didn't googlebate myself. rather i discovered someone found my site via that phrase. and that special someone is from...new jersey! heeeeyyyyy!!!

hot rahm emmanuel action

now that rahm emmanuel as accepted the position as obama's new white house chief of staff, let's all go back in time to november 2006 when i posted i have a rahm emanuel fetish and you can too. it's still true.

the great schlep, according to sarah silverman

cyber as "hung jewish top" episode 5 - the phantom jew

after an over 2 year hiatus, "hung jewish top" is back!  catch up on  eps 1-4 if you will.  the identities of the innocent have been exposed, or at least as much as their cyberhandles expose them.  oh yeah, "hung jewish top" is me, i mean my """""character""""" that is.  p.s. are extra quotes super ironic?

Numb_Nuts> hi there
hung jewish top> u like cock?
Numb_Nuts> yes, I am so hungry for it right now
hung jewish top> just right now or always hungry for cock?
Numb_Nuts> when I am in the mood like now
hung jewish top> u evr had jew cock?
Numb_Nuts> I like someone who knows what they want from me
Numb_Nuts> no, baby
Numb_Nuts> you want to feed me some
hung jewish top> i want u to want jewcock and i ain't ur baby
hung jewish top> im ur man
Numb_Nuts> yes, man
hung jewish top> tell me how much u want my jew cock
Numb_Nuts> I want the come in your balls inside me
Numb_Nuts> I want to taste your hot jewish cock sliding in and out of me
filling me with your manhood
hung jewish top> u catholic?
Numb_Nuts> protestant
hung jewish top> my jewish cock will burn in ur protestant anus
hung jewish top> and my cum will hit the back of ur throat
Numb_Nuts> cupping your heavy sack in my hand and feeling what you have in there for me
hung jewish top> if u had to choose between a long and skinny cock or a thick and short one which would us choose?
hung jewish top> u choose
Numb_Nuts> thick and short
hung jewish top> actually the right answer was both
hung jewish top> thick and short for ur mouth and long and skinny for ur ass then switch
hung jewish top> jewish cock at both ends while u tear up and suck and get fucked
Numb_Nuts> would love to have you fucking me at both ends
hung jewish top> like two kosher pickles surrounding bi married unkosher slab of bi married desperate for cock guy
Numb_Nuts> yes, two jewish cock together would be bliss
hung jewish top> i hope ur nuts aren't actually numb and that u only call urself numbnuts because that's an insult from three stooges movies

how does flirting over cake turn into a horrible discovery?

so i go for a walk on christmas eve, or as it's known to jews - december 24th.  i'd eaten dinner already, felt cooped up in my apartment and despite the cold, just needed to get out.  the plan was to hang out with friends on christmas proper.  december 24th was going to be all about digital cable and non-digital food.

so i end up on a popular consumer strip where i knew some places would still be open and i wander into a shop that sold dessert among other things.  i'll treat myself, i figured.  i was absorbed in the cake display and told the clerk i needed more time, eventually asking him, with as much serious as such as a question could allow "do you have any cakes specifically designed for jews on christmas?"  to which he replied "oh, you're jewish?  are all jews as incredibly handsome as you?"  which blindsided me to the max.

i'm not entirely used to compliments out of the blue like that (though of course we all know i'm incredibly handsome, ahem, my body language is one of the most effective deterrents to human contact known to gay man.)  i'm also naturally suspicious, so i say "only those of us who are about to decide how big a tip to leave."  which is an asshole thing to say on my part, but it's what came out.

so he says he's not saying it to get a tip and he doesn't say that to everybody.  so i say "i'm the only jew in the world and i'm the best looking jew."  which gets into bizarre territory as attempted flirts go because it makes no sense and doesn't go with my first response.  so i then pick the strawberry white cake white icing with almonds (which is called a "gateau" on the little card).  i chose it because it looked suitably garish and decadent, especially in terms of the price.  continuing my fumbling, because he is handsome, i point out that gateau means cake, which i told him i figured out from the context.  off-putting body language is looking pretty good in comparison to this exchange.

he's still smiling though when he has me walk around to the register side.  he asks me my name and i say and then he tells me his, which sounds like, let's just say, a wwii related word.  then he goes to the back to get my slice, since he needs to leave the display case one alone for future garishness.

when he comes back i ask him the spelling of his name, because if it was what i thought he'd told me, it would have been a sleight on my person and jewishtacity.  he said, oh not that way it's [such and such spelling.]  we made a little more small talk, then i belatedly thanked him for the compliment and told him i was flattered and he said he was glad he'd at least learned my name and he hoped i stopped by his store again soon.  i felt he was sincere at that moment.  i walked home with my slice and it was good, especially the strawberries.  i thought of potentially better responses like:  "since your shop isn't crowded right now, do you mind if i stand here and flirt with you stupidly for awhile?"  though i don't know if that's really better.

waking up today, i felt good about a guy hitting on me, though i still partially felt maybe it had been for a tip or to fuck with me in some way.  but part of me definitely felt it could have been genuine and maybe i should stop by his shop again after all.  i resolved to talk to my friend about it later [today] and get some advice.  so i go over her place for christmas dinner, or december 25th dinner.  and by the way earlier today, g-d or mother nature or whoever was so cliché because it was snowing on christmas.  whatever.

because his first name was so distinctive, and because i'd learned the spelling since it was a homonym for something horrible so i'd asked, i of course googled him before i left for her apartment.  i found a myspace for a music group he's in, saw his face picture and everything.  so at my friend's apartment, i tell her the whole story up to this point, google him to get his myspace and before i click that, i scan down for other google results.  what i found is after the jump.  and it's not pretty.