ultranow

linkaliciousness

• no link to anything about adam lambert because i'm over her
• courdoroy skirts are a sin [tip from wick'd boy news]
• a complex article i don't hate about images of african-americans in precious
• john ensign and mark sanford's religious "family" is backing uganda's gay hate [and click the uganda tag in that article for more on the topic and p.s. obama better speak up about this]
• the main michelle obama mask for sale now has dramatically lightened her skin tone which is playing with fire in terms of offense because now her mask is lighter than barack obama's mask which is totally fucked up because it's not true and this does mean something i swear similar to the darkening of the villanous mug shot o.j. simpson photo on the cover of major magazines and i'm not commenting on the masks being caricatures as that's fine within reason but the problematic skin tones only so write your congressperson or the editor of vogue this has got to stop [tip from heretic saint]

i'm gonna talk about precious

it's been awhile since a movie has stuck with me this many days after viewing. i was psychically clenched all day before i saw it. it was poetry and for me that is the highest compliment. you must see it. go to wearerallprecious.com to see where it's playing near you. it is an important drama, with a fair share of unexpected, albeit strategically necessary, laughs as well.

i let go into the story, which owing to my never being able to get through the book which i've owned for years, i did not know fully. it was a multi-dimensional roller coaster, chaotic yet seamless. mo'nique deserves an oscar. gabourey sidibe and paula patton deserve nominations at minimum. mariah carey, who has recently opened up about the emotional abuse in a past relationship, holds her own in pivotal scenes. the direction reminds me of the best episodes of nypd blue, creating a sense of my being almost too close emotionally and physically to the actions. but when those actions are heartbreaking and hopeful, please let me be that close.

regarding the controversy instigated by a few critics, such as that it is exploitative and as bad as birth of a nation, i say instead these characters are not stereotypes and abuse is not black. it is abuse and it has a face. for those who are already racist and already see characters of this nature as "these people" and "less than" this movie will challenge even them, for it is not so simple. these are astounding performances, so natural as to almost trick the viewer into thinking this is a documentary. it is not, though real life experiences and empathy were drawn upon to bring dimension and depth.

so if one is only comfortable with the so-called "positive images" of black people, then one is erasing the experiences on which the characters are based and making those characters exist in silence and invisibility, the very silence and invisibility the movie's existence challenges. even the cosby show, the pinnacle of positivity, addressed serious issues every now and again. both cosby and precious champion education.

this movie is deep. this movie is yours to see and talk about. believe the hype. see precious.

p.s. check out mo'nique's eye opening interview on ellen (with some cute unrelated funny stuff at the end too because hell, it's mo'nique) heyyyyy! warning: if you don't want to know anything that happens in the film, don't watch as there is a semi-semi-semi-spoiler. but only about as much spoiling as seeing the preview would entail.

p.p.s. "everybody's good at something."

michael moore's slacker uprising free download

get his new documentary now at slackeruprising.com courtesy of michael moore himself. totally legal. i don't know how long offer lasts.

"This is being done entirely as a gift to my fans. The only return any of us are hoping for is the largest turnout of young voters ever at the polls in November." - Michael Moore

p.s. register to vote. time's running out.

p.p.s. you are voting for obama, right? please? and remember all the state and local races. i'm just saying.

milk preview

a whole preview for a harvey milk bio pic and no assassination? whoops did i give away the ending? it's okay, i can't see it anyway. sean pean. not a fan. i also boycott robert downey, jr. i can't explain. maybe because sean was mean to madonna and robert downey, jr. is a jackass. actually it looks like it might be a good movie if only because sarah palin phyllis schlafly comes off as an idiot.

crotch mystery

today i walked past this emergency room on my way to x-files 2 (which by the way it sucks for these reasons: david duchovny has no acting ability; no budget; no aliens; no writers; no car chases; no intrigue; no explosions; no jason statham with his shirt off; no no no no. the only thing it had going for it was a hilarious villain babbling in so fake russian because they couldn't afford a language coach. and a gratuituous shot of a george bush picture while the x-files pied piper theme came up in the background, feeding into the whole george bush is a reptilian humanoid theory.

but before i even got to x-files i saw a guy race walk on his way into that emergency room with a big bag of ice in one hand and grabbing his crotch through his jeans with the other. he looked extremely pained. then a few steps behind was his identical twin. no not another guy holding ice bag and crotch, but his actual biological twin.

so did his twin kick him there? did a bunk bed collapse? did they have some sort of sex accident? did some race of reptilian humanoids do an experiment on one and leave the other alone like one would a control group? why do i wish i'd taken a picture because it would last longer? and when will kermit and miss piggy finally do it? stay tuned.

carmen electra defeats rambo

meet the spartans just edged out rambo at the box office this weekend, which in a historical sense means campy beefcake (hilariously muscled male spartan bods) defeated macho beefcake (the sly stallone "taking hgh is no big deal" scary rambo bod).  to top off sly's humiliation, at the premier, carmen electra's entrance mirrored mae west's nightclub act, right down to the probably half gay male accessories.

hello computer

yes this is pixellated but that doesn't change my point that yes i'm angry!  with a capital ang.  when i was sent this lol earlier today (by someone who it turns out agrees with the point i'm about to make) i could only think one thing.  in star trek iv: the voyage home, that's not how montgomery scott said that line.  it's just not.  there was no question mark in his voice.

after going back in time to 1980s san francisco to help locate two humpback whales to bring into the future (as long as the whales agreed to the plan) and save the earth from a space probe whose calls to the whales in the future were being unanswered because humpbacks were extinct and said calls' vibrations were destroying earth, scotty had to communicate with a 1980s computer in order to help get the materials needed to build a giant tank on the ragtag klingon bird of prey they'd time traveled on by whipping around the sun at breakaway speed...and then...oh just rent it.  (as an aside, that's not what i would do in 1980s san francisco.  i'd, you know, buy real estate.) after scotty tried talking to the computer straight out and it ignored him, bones suggested he try the mouse, at which point scotty talked into the mouse, thus an immortal movie line and this particular lol's subject matter were born.  but there was never a question mark.  never never never.

i'll prove it with this sound clip i just made:  hello computer.

see i'm right to be angry, like always.  damn lol is wrong-o-wrong.  and if you're the one who made it, i'm taking you down.  you're going down.  you're finished in the world of lols.  i refute your existence.  in conclusion, this is the most important issue in our precarious times.  first wrong punctuation in star trek lols.  after that wrong punctuation in star trek convention programs.  where will it end?  oh the humanity!  and oh the aliens!

oh my gosh helvetica is a great movie

i so recommend you get helvetica on dvd.  yes it's a documentary about a font. a fine fine fine documentary that designers and non will love.  intoxicating and precious.  did i mention helvetica is possibly the most ubiquitous font in your life?  from corporate logos (american apparel, sears, american airlines, staples) to signs (no pissing on sidewalk, please smoke here, don't stop) to famous as hell posters to magazine titles to the side of the space shuttle, it's so everywhere.  the film is simultaneously about that which defies yet begs observation.  something omnipresent yet unnoticed.

once post wwii optimist modern, then something to rebel against (paula scher of hand illustrated font fame is my favorite in that respect), then something inspiring in both its limitations and possibilities.  the insights from the myriad designers and typographers are fascinating.  you actually get to see zapf of zapf dingbats fame - it's a real guy - as well as those who knew helvetica's creators and pull out original notes and mockups (make the s thicker here).

bet you didn't know it was a modern update of a 19th century german font called (in english) accidents grotesque.  bet you did know that extended montages of uses of helvetica in public life are fascinating.  i saw it so many times today it made a nothing day suddenly seem worthwhile...mary tyler moore theme song anyone?  one of my favorite observations was how those knowledgeable about / obsessed with type can find flaws in historical movies, i.e. "hey the font on that storefront in that pearl harbor epic wasn't invented until 1993, snap!"  helvetica evinces pure fascination and offers surpising visual intrigue.  if font is the same, yet used in so many contexts, is more emphasis placed on content?  the film functions on multiple levels (a doc within a doc about these people who are so obsessed with a font - um, these people are me).  so after it i saw it i had to make this super quick.  i've got to do something between quarters at design school.

give the gift of caligula

caligula.  ca-li-gu-la.  sounds like an std, don’t it?  and one, a la syphilis, that if left untreated leads to brain disintegration.  and one, a la syphilis, which was likely transmitted from orgy extra to orgy extra in one of the many integral to the plot orgy scenes.  orgy.  or-gy.

caligula is the ultimate schlockfest and the caligula (three-disc imperial edition) is like putting technical shine to cinematic sh...  this is the one where half the cast is ejaculating, spurting, writhing, bleeding, dying, eating or drinking to excess in the background while oscar winners (sir john gielgud and helen mirren) and oscar nominee (peter o'toole) and mr. i'll be naked in any film (a luminous malcolm mcdowell in the title role) do their thing in the foreground.  malcolm is gorge.  so gorge.  and he's great to officiate a wedding...if you're a guy and you want to get fisted in front of your bride.  and he looks so good in whatever the hell you call what he's wearing, especially when it flips up while he grinds his business against crotch related crotches.  he is one crazy horny evil fuck with great eyes.  and frighteningly for most all concerned, he has power.

this isn’t the caligula you may have seen on well worn vhs from the nasty section of your local video store.  this ultimate set has a high def transfer of the original, uncensored film, an alternate pre-release version, a making of documentary (though it doesn't answer how they kept the cameras dry), hours of deleted and alternate scenes, and gore vidal's original screenplay.  yes, he's mainly who's to blame.  him and penthouse mag mastermind and co-producer bob guccione.  i learned mr. guccione also has a photography credit.  guess he couldn't resist getting ringside.

the sound stage sexual gore on screen turned my living room into the gallery of a depraved operating room.  and oh yeah, the tie a soldier's penis head to seal the urethra, force gallons of wine down his throat until he drowns internally scene is not as good as that in salo - 120 days of sodom.  because in caligula, the guy doesn’t get gutted like a fish meaning the wine never spills out.  but one of the male leads does tie his penis off (as if anyone could have produced urine as fast as necessary to stop from drowning internally anyway, meaning it’s pure exploitation, then and now, meaning I love it.)

you do get that me calling it the ultimate schlockfest is a compliment, right?  so put on some popcorn, add some food based mock body fluids to the bowl, and feast on gross, overblown camp to your heart's and sex drive's content.  you know they had fun making it.

get caligula (three-disc imperial edition)

catch-up post

i've definitely not been posting as much lately.  at first i thought it was because of blog block.  then having nothing to say about the world, which would be called more generally world block.  but since i always have something to say about just i everything, i ultimately realized it's just been because i've been devoting my energies elsewhere - shopping, social life, netflix, career.  so i don't lose the "now" in ultranow, i am giving my blog a promise ring to keep it fed, and you all too.   the promise ring is made of tinfoil, because i'm cheap, or at least am again after all the shopping i've been doing.  here's some stuff that's been stuck in my brain.

• the lindsay lohan "it's not mine!" excuse around the cocaine in her pocket is infinitely implausible.  since when has she done anyone a favor?  plus this guy in line at a safeway i bought vinegar and a protein bar at said to what i reasoned was his aa buddy that the holding it for someone else deal is totally 6th grade.  then he tried to flirt with this woman by saying her dove bar looked good.  she tried to unflirt with him by denying his existence.
• whoopi goldberg is a horrible choice for the view.  she hasn't made me laugh since the color purple.  shoulda gone with kathy griffin, babs.  whoopi will never get the youtube hits needed to to to...what do youtube hits do?
• i'm going to take some graphic design classes at night because that's what night is for because day is for work.  i'm totally going bilberry, blueberry and carrot-tastic so my eyes don't fry.  when you get older, your lenses get stiffer so it's harder to transition from near to far and back.  it can cause strain.  and i'm oooollllllldddddd.  though i'm still generation x.  that won't ever change.  now i'm mid to late 30s is all.  still have time to be the next grandma moses.  plus phyllis diller didn't start comedy until 37, or at least didn't get paid for it until then.
• in the back of my head, i think i read somewhere that there is going to be a new fame movie but i'm scared to try to confirm it.  fame is nothing without gene anthony ray, so they shouldn't fucking bother.  you just know an american idol castoff will be cast and ruin it.
• ratatouille is a fine movie, if you like excellent animation, tight action, hordes of rats which when swarming are rather nauseating but when in small groups or as individuals are serviceably cute, and about 40 different morals jammed into the mix.  for my book, that's 41 too many.  i think i'm going to get a beta.  need some life in this apartment, beyond the judy blume books i've been taking out of the library.  did i ever mention i dream of being a children's book author, or more specifically a published children's book author, or more specifically judy blume or roald dahl or judy dahl or i guess me because they can't write what i write either.  although i swear i would've come up with a book called fudge-a-mania too, just like judy did.