ultranow

lady gaga: master of the universe

you could watch the whole video but all that really matters as far as excessive camp value (is their any other kind?) is the first bit where the miss universe contestants are attempting to dance in the background. not that gaga and her crew of two are much better. if this what it takes to get an extended dance remix on tv, it's hardly worth it. i blame the donald trump organization.

i'm out $50

someone e-mailed me thinking i offered these services i'd previously covered  how much would i charge they asked, because they had some pictures of their daughter they needed done.  i would have thought my editorializing with the word "horrifying" would have implied that i did not do such things but was merely commenting on them.  i kindly referred them to the appropriate resource, though was tempted to request the pictures, do a horrifying job in seashore (open source photoshop type program), and have them paypal me like $50.  but that would be wrong so i didn't because i'm nice.  now where's my $50 for being nice!?

miss america contestant is a kitsch masterpiece

i'm not here to make fun of people.  much.  i've even semi-defended britney's no panty exploits.  but please, the miss america pageant (coming january 29th to country music television because network tv couldn't squeeze enough ratings out of what is frighteningly the leading provider of scholarships to young women) will present to the world miss tennessee and her name is blaire ashley pancake.

named after her earrings, bap is a phi beta kappa anthropology student whose platform is preventing child abuse, such as that inflicted by being named blaire ashley pancake.  for her talent she does performance art involving a bottle of mrs. butterworth's which serves as a tribute to diabetes research.

guess we can't all be blessed with a pageant friendly moniker like this year's miss nevada - caydi cole.  please kick caydi's ass miss pancake.  the whole world will be watching.  or at least people who haven't got anything better to do.

miss teen usa photog has crooked neck fetish

welcome to the horrifying world of kiddie pageant photo retouching

there's no better way than this to say to your kid "you're not good enough the way you are" except actually saying "you're not good enough the way you are."  here's just some of the "enhancements" this first victim's image was subjected to (more victims after the jump):

• mouth replaced
• hair replaced
• lashes added
• eye liner added
• eye shadow, lipstick, and blush added
• facial powder added
• brows shaped
• skin blended
• dark circles removed
• "doll eyes" added