ultranow

not only do i hate the rachael ray show (and all her shows) but now i also hate her fans (or at least one of them)

and all because of this comment on this post.  it's so weirdly repetitive in the middle i at first thought it was a spam comment robot, then i thought it was rachael ray herself trolling sites like mine which actually spell her first name correctly (rather than rachel).  but no, it's just a random dick.  speaking of random dick, yum-o!

why i hate the rachael ray show without having seen it

i hate her 1/2 hour shows on food network so the new hour long show debuting monday means i will hate it twice as much.  30 minute meals and $40 a day?  how have either of those shows/measurements illustrated skill and aplomb?  with 30 minutes and $40 i could cook 80 pounds of organic oatmeal, feeding an army of hippies.

she's on oprah's payroll, since harpo productions is the force behind the rachael ray show.  thus answering the question "what would jesus produce?"

the woman doesn't know how to frown, thereby nullifying the phrase turn that frown upside down because she won't ever frown in the first place which i so don't trust.

her catchword is "yum-o", which in addition to being the hypnotic snare that grabbed "o"prah's money, is a brown showers loving clown from kentucky i once dated.  he'd do anything in bed, except squeeze the charmin, if you know what i mean.

she has her own brand of knives because she invented knives so of course she should have a knife because she invented sharpness and should profit from sharpness and edges and metal.

after joanie ditched chachi, she changed her name to rachael, took up cooking and ingratiatingness and now we all have to suffer for it.  can't wait for her first interview with elie wiesel.

rachael: "so, elie, about the holocaust, get some good grub in those camps, didya?"

elie:  "maggot infested stale bread and hepatitis pisswater, rachael."

rachael:  "give me some adult contemporary tunes, a comfy pair of jammies, swiss miss cocoa and a bus token and i'm set!  let the good times roll, i always say."

elie:  "i'm here to talk about darfur."

rachael: "yum-o!"