ultranow

oprah is a sign of whatever the opposite of apocalypse is

oh did i forget to mention i was taking a blog-cation?  for, um, a week and three days?  well i did and i'm back.  so much has changed.  i missed the whole rosie o'donnell sex tape thing, the whole spaceship crashing into the white house thing, and the whole "man killed by rainbow" viral video that's everywhere, like a virus of some sort.

blame it on a new netflix membership.  suffer, local neighborhood video store small business!  that and not having anything to say for a bit. 

so i found an oprah magazine abandoned in public.  i asked the closest person if it was hers and she said no so i grabbed it and proclaimed to her:  "it's a sign.  there is something in this magazine that will change my life!"  i've scoured the pages (scoured means skimmed, right?) and i believe i've found it.

between the article "the miracle worker" on sjp's admirable cheapo multi-sizo bitten line, and queen latifah opining "like any girl whose body is changing, i felt unsure of who i was becoming." (uh, you're becoming queen latifah...duh!) between those pages was why i found the magazine, or more precisely, why it found me.  and i quote:

"now mcdonald's puts nutritional information on many [not all] of their products.  so i don't have to wonder [but could still worry] about the quality and nutrition my kids are getting at mcdonald's.  foods like chicken mcnuggets made with [not "of"] white meat, fresh crunchy apple dippers [dipped in what?] and calcium-rich low fat milk [full of bovine growth hormone].  compared to a lot of the foods my kids love at home [like captain crunch and legos?], mcdonald's is a great [cheap] choice.  i guess that's why it's called a happy meal."

why is this a sign?  because i know for a fact that i can see through spin a mile away, which means i'm pretty darn unfoolable by some man again, which means i'm ready to date again.  thanks, oprah!

thank goodness

• thank goodness saddam hussein has been executed for now the world is forever without violence.
• thank goodness rosie o'donnell and donald trump continue their war of words about miss usa, bankruptcy, morals, body type and hair for now the world is a classier place.
• thank goodness gerald ford is dead for now the two botched assassination attempts he experienced in the '70s weren't botched at all - they just took awhile to kick in.
• thank goodness the janice dickinson modeling agency season 2 is premiering in a couple of weeks for now we can likely watch her be transphobic again while wearing a "gay friendly" t-shirt as she was to claudia charriez in season 1.
• thank goodness, as many a critic has opined, dreamgirls has "reinvented the movie musical" for now an american in paris, the wiz, cabin in the sky, jesus christ superstar, west side story, it's always fairweather, singin' in the rain and xanadu can be burned.

rosie o'donnell strikes a blow for racist lesbian visibility

celebrity satan justly goes off on rosie o'donnell's racist slander of the chinese language (and therefore chinese people) here and here.  and for the record, even if what she said were funny, and it's so not, that wouldn't make it okay.  personally, i don't think celebrities are being any more racially slanderous than certain one's always have been.  it's just people are standing up to it more, and it's ending up on video.

though in the case of racist slander against chinese people, celebrity satan makes the accurate point that it doesn't get a fair level of coverage even when people do stand up to it.  why is this reminding me of the anti chinese-american headline when u.s. skater tara lipinski won the gold to u.s. skater michelle kwan's silver at the 1998 olympics - "american beats kwan".