state of the union address hangover cures

need to cleanse your palate after bush's drivelicious teleprompterrific state of the union lie-fest?

• pay military men to appear in your own homemade pornography which will end up getting them and you investigated. this is surprisingly easy.
• fall asleep on the bus and end up in a magical suprise universe where the president is a bunny and a bunny is the president.
• write a letter to the editor of your local newspaper complaining that brokeback mountain isn't sexually explicit enough, specifically that there should have been [insert new word for unknown implausible sex act here].
• watch double happiness starring the on cusp of superstardom sandra oh. damn it's good and a solid reminder that no matter how messed up the world is, there's plenty each of us can work on within ourselves to make our individual worlds better. sandra oh is so present in every role, like a meryl...like a sally...like a...sandra oh.
• start studying now for the national spelling bee. it's this kind of obsessive intellectual focus that will make the outside word invisible, except for all the words which describe the outside world. if in your next life you come back as a genius spelling child, you will need to have started studying in this your previous life to have a chance at winning the nsb. what, you think you're going to pull these national spelling bee winning words out of your ass? well maybe 1940's winning word "therapy" but not 2004's "autochthonous".
• pay complete attention to everything the government does and says and does but doesn't say that it does but really does do. hold government accountable and view the media with a critical eye. and think that the fact that bush mentioning the just passed away coretta scott king in his speech is so horrendous because of who he is and what his administration does and how tokening it is and that she isn't even buried yet so doesn't have a grave to roll over in but she would if she could. so the best thing to do is live more by her ideals of peace and justice and liberty for all.
• and if none of that works, clearly you must douse yourself in overwhelming amounts of american idol, dancing with the stars and skating with celebrities. it doesn't really save the world but it kills enough brain cells to get you through the night.