ultranow

spreading the love

• groove on the '80s homo art at KOK magazine now. i love a new blog that i love.
• in an ultranow flashback, marvel at the world's tallest sock fetish jpg.
• why can't the whole world be a horribly designed, tackily drawn, interactive gay adult video game?
• wanda sykes for president. no link for that one yet.

please support your local ultranow

confession: i have some soon to be unemployment to deal with around here. so to keep my spirits up i'm wordsmithing my way to happiness. here are options when the word unemployment is just too much to bear. 

oh, but first consider clicking the tip jar in my left sidebar. that makes this a public television pledge drive without the cutting away to that's entertainment part 3. tipping means i'll surely be able to keep blogging just as perkily (and obscenely) as ever. now back to replacements for the word unemployment.

• me time
• vacation
• corporate retreat
• conspiracy theory brainstorm session
• winter cleaning
• failure
• freedom
• gymrat heaven
• sleepy time
• pre-prostitution

there's a new ultranow feed in town

my rss feed moved due to googly circumstances beyond my control. please resubscribe or subscribe for the first time so you stay up on all things ultranow. it's free of course.

you can also subscribe by e-mail in the utilities section of the left sidebar.

p.s. googly

ultranow is 4

• september 22, 2005: in a real life expression of jerri blank's "i got something to say!" interjection from strangers with candy, i launch ultranow with post #1 and post #2. it woulda been called lovehatelovehatelovehate but that was taken.
• october 23, 2005: time for offensive fall fashions.
• november 27, 2005: speaking truth to power, i proclaim that the mullet's raw sexual power will not be denied.
• february 22, 2006: enlightening the world with my pants broke.
• july 22, 2006: welcome to the horrifying world of kiddie pageant photo retouching.
• october 26, 2006: i get political with when even lifetime has to whisper the word mastectomy, there is something wrong with the world.
• january 23, 2007: i can't quite tell if these guys are gay or not.
• may 28, 2007: tears, it's a charles nelson reilly eulogy.
• december 20, 2007: breaking news! animated wolverine daintily hides his nipples.
• january 30, 2008: why look, it's a creative way to indicate the letter n.
• june 6, 2008: while out with marlon perkins of mutual of omaha's wild kingdom, i spot the rare 21 dollar hewhore. i'd tag his mating habits but we already know what they are.
• september 29, 2008: hey world, it's a classic look that never goes out of style.
• january 26, 2009: a soothingly effervescent inauguration bitchfest.
• february 28, 2009: gay punkt is what happens when someone doesn't fully edit out the commercial from a youtube video they post and all is revealed.
• august 13, 2009: dr. who and spock slash fiction guylesque raises the consciousness and tents the pants (and/or blouses) of nerds everywhere.

just a smattering of my work folks. over 1000 posts and 2.5 million hits later, i still got something to say! thank you for listening. for real.

the unkosher version of ultranow

while i suppose the mass amount of uncut cock viewable here over the years qualifies as unkosher, now you can really see the unkosher ultranow.

meta gay adult blogger

• i see more pornography before 9 a.m. than most people do in a day.
• if there had been at least some adult content at the founding of a blog, then as as time passes a gay blog tends to get more pornographic.
• as time passes in the life of a blog, celebrity gossip can tend to seem less important, except if it were about the resurrection of jon-erik hexum (false) or obama underwear (true).
• britney spears maintains her relevance, which is zero, though that won't stop me from writing about her. 
• sometimes assumedly straight guys find me with a search phrase like "girlie porn" and are then inadvertently exposed to male flesh to which i say ha.
• more often people end up with exactly what they want such as daniel craig naked.
• sometimes i wonder if i'm going to stop but then i don't stop so i don't. ultranow is 3 years 4 months and 13 days old which in blog years is 100. cher's 100 and she hasn't stopped either. plus both cher and ultranow have huge cocks.

now (as in at this exact moment) #1 in google for gay jewish cock

i'm so proud! and no i didn't googlebate myself. rather i discovered someone found my site via that phrase. and that special someone is from...new jersey! heeeeyyyyy!!!

incoherence

apparently some of my posts have created a certain level of incoherence, as evidenced by the three most recent comments on my blog, with links to posts in question:

• oh my god....his dick in my mouth....WOW
• his penis in my mouth...omg...
• gay sex super male super personel ahhhhhhhhhhh ısamıl personel but no english.good bye ısmaıl youseff ı love you

to be fair the 3rd commenter is actually from turkey so he's much more coherent than i would be in turkish for example, but it's still kinda awesomely hornily incoherent, no?

ultranow is how old?

find out after the nsfw jump.

617 posts.  over 1 million hits. what the fuck.

catch-up post

i've definitely not been posting as much lately.  at first i thought it was because of blog block.  then having nothing to say about the world, which would be called more generally world block.  but since i always have something to say about just i everything, i ultimately realized it's just been because i've been devoting my energies elsewhere - shopping, social life, netflix, career.  so i don't lose the "now" in ultranow, i am giving my blog a promise ring to keep it fed, and you all too.   the promise ring is made of tinfoil, because i'm cheap, or at least am again after all the shopping i've been doing.  here's some stuff that's been stuck in my brain.

• the lindsay lohan "it's not mine!" excuse around the cocaine in her pocket is infinitely implausible.  since when has she done anyone a favor?  plus this guy in line at a safeway i bought vinegar and a protein bar at said to what i reasoned was his aa buddy that the holding it for someone else deal is totally 6th grade.  then he tried to flirt with this woman by saying her dove bar looked good.  she tried to unflirt with him by denying his existence.
• whoopi goldberg is a horrible choice for the view.  she hasn't made me laugh since the color purple.  shoulda gone with kathy griffin, babs.  whoopi will never get the youtube hits needed to to to...what do youtube hits do?
• i'm going to take some graphic design classes at night because that's what night is for because day is for work.  i'm totally going bilberry, blueberry and carrot-tastic so my eyes don't fry.  when you get older, your lenses get stiffer so it's harder to transition from near to far and back.  it can cause strain.  and i'm oooollllllldddddd.  though i'm still generation x.  that won't ever change.  now i'm mid to late 30s is all.  still have time to be the next grandma moses.  plus phyllis diller didn't start comedy until 37, or at least didn't get paid for it until then.
• in the back of my head, i think i read somewhere that there is going to be a new fame movie but i'm scared to try to confirm it.  fame is nothing without gene anthony ray, so they shouldn't fucking bother.  you just know an american idol castoff will be cast and ruin it.
• ratatouille is a fine movie, if you like excellent animation, tight action, hordes of rats which when swarming are rather nauseating but when in small groups or as individuals are serviceably cute, and about 40 different morals jammed into the mix.  for my book, that's 41 too many.  i think i'm going to get a beta.  need some life in this apartment, beyond the judy blume books i've been taking out of the library.  did i ever mention i dream of being a children's book author, or more specifically a published children's book author, or more specifically judy blume or roald dahl or judy dahl or i guess me because they can't write what i write either.  although i swear i would've come up with a book called fudge-a-mania too, just like judy did.